The Post-Grad Adventure

You would think....

2011-10-01T02:30:00.003-04:00

...that it would be easy to keep this thing updated. Really should have been writing on here during the two trips to Puerto Rico, one in 2009 and 2010, but I had Eva with me, making it a bit more difficult to use computers. All is good though. Eva started Kindergarten a few weeks ago and is doing excellent. She also started karate and tap to see if she likes them. As for me, I was balancing a few different jobs (med-surg, inpatient psychiatry, ECT/PACU and ECT/Office) but am now just down to psych and ect/pacu. Speaking of, it is 2:30am and I'm at work right now (everyone is sleeping). Thinking about buying a house, which terrifies me, because I hate the idea of taking on that kind of debt, especially if it means less vacations!!!! BUT, I can only take living with family for a little longer.... OK, back to work.

Still here

2009-12-09T20:35:00.002-05:00

Crazy crazy crazy....that's my life. I really would like to keep up with this blog, but, it will have to take the backburner while I am school, I guess. In my L&D class right now and loving it! The school is trying to push us to go straight from the second career program to Grad School, but it just seems to rushed for me. It makes sense, and I'm considering it, but it's just all so quick...and it's a Master's for crying out loud....I really need to make sure I am SURE about what I want to do... There is a "Nursing Residency" program at St. Joe's that I would really like ot get some info on...have a good feeling about that. I just wrote them today, so, we will see what comes of that.

Ok, just wanted to make sure I posted something so I don't get shut down for inactivity...will "TRY" to get back on here soon.

ME

Abortion...Let's PREVENT IT, not debate it!

2009-07-21T00:03:00.002-04:00

You know what REALLY makes me CRAZY about the pro-life/pro-choice debate????? That fact that both sides have drawn their lines so deep in the sand and take every opportunity to try and tell somebody else why they should/should not have the right to an abortion WHILE COMPLETELY IGNORING the real problem and solution to the problem...PREVENTING UNWANTED/UNINTENDED PREGNANCIES! If these zealots would redirect their efforts to educating people in abstinance/safe sex, working on young girls self-esteem, promoting healthy relationships, actually explaining the processes of menstruation, ovulation, conception, fertilization...you get the idea...you could damn near ELIMINATE the need for abortion and leave it for cases of rape, incest and danger to the mother.

I remember when I was volunteering at a women's clinic in Canton, I was talking to a girl while she waited to see a nurse. She was about 19 y.o. and came to schedule an abortion. When we were talking she was waiting to be called to take a pregnancy test, which was appearantly protocol for establishing that the woman is, in fact, pregnant. Well, I asked how far along she thought she was and that opened up the flood gates to her entire personal life. So here she is, trying to calculate the times and dates she had sex to give me an answer and I interrupted her to tell her we could estimate it by how many weeks she was past her missed period.....long story short, she hadn't even missed her period yet! I spent the next 10 minutes or so giving her the cliff's notes version of how and when a woman gets pregnant and why it would be virtually impossible for her to be pregnant... turns out I was right, the test came back negative.

The whole point of that story was to show that there are people like this, young people, and LOTS more of them, that don't even know the basics of their own reproductive functions/processes! I believe that just giving them the basic knowledge would empower them to make smarter choices. OH, and did I mention they should throw in some information about how antibiotics can decrease the effectiveness of hormone based birth control?!?!?!? SURPRISE!!!!

Look. No women grows up dreaming of having an abortion. Albeit, some women/couples do abuse this procedure and use it as a means of birth control, but the decision to have an abortion can be really REALLY hard to make and can have negative consequences for the woman/couple. Shouldn't we do everything in our power to keep them from even having to make that decision?!?!?!?It goes without saying, that there is no "one solution fits all" to this debate, or any other (don't EVEN get me started on religion and spirituality!!!) but I FIRMLY believe that so much of these people's energy is severly misdirected and they could do much more to solve the problem by PREVENTING the problem. Less unintended/unwanted pregnancies = less abortions.

Think about that.

Still Here!!!!!!!!!

2009-06-19T10:31:00.002-04:00

Ok, I'm still here :-) I think about blogging all the time, I just get distracted very easily. I'm hanging on by a thread... taking my final course (Pharmacology), working about 10-15 hours a week at the apartments, being a stay at home mom 5 days a week and going crazy trying to get things done for U of M and looking for loans. Eva started PRESCHOOL this week! I'm so very proud of her and I know she's very happy in her new room. I was a bit nervous about her starting so early...there's a big difference between 2 1/2 and 3 years old, but, her teachers convinced me that she was definitely ready for the early move. Hopefully some time very soon I will sit down and catch everyone up. Ideally, I will keep a blog during school so that everyone can go thru the nursing program with me! Only 2 more months and I start! Oh yeah, most of you probably don't know that U of M decided to start school THREE weeks early, so I will be starting August 17th now and not September 8th. I wasn't thrilled about losing my last few weeks with Eva, BUT we will be doing non-stop skills labs, so, it really will be nice to get the jump on learning and practicing nursing skills BEFORE we start in the hospital the first week of September.
Love to all,
ME

60 and loving it!

2009-03-06T12:42:00.002-05:00

No no, I'M not 60, it's 60 degrees outside! WHOOO HOOOOO! Not only is it warm, and occasionally sunny, I DON'T HAVE TO BE STUCK IN THE OFFICE ALL DAY!!!! I'm thinking I should hurry and take advantage of the weather and finally clean my car. Saying it is long over due, is a drastic understatement. My car is gross inside. My original plan was to pay someone to clean it, BUT since I have the time and should save the money, I will do it myself :-) It won't be as pretty as it would be if somebody detailed it for me, but it will be bearable and less embarrasing. I haven't gotten around to studying yet today, my brains a little burnt out. Taking a break to clean the car would probably be a great idea. This morning I was focused on getting ready to drop off an appliction and making some changes to my resume. I have to take a test tomorrow, so of course I am a bit nervous.

GOTTA GO, don't want to waste from 60 degree March day on here!
ME

The latest piece....

2009-03-03T10:33:00.002-05:00

I love the way life works out sometimes....just a little over a week ago I was talking with my dad about my latest "plan". I was contemplating leaving my job in May, instead of July, and rolling around the idea of getting a part time job, and the whole time I still asked myself....."Why don't I just quit now and try to find something in the medical field to get experience?" As always, I grumbled about how nice it might be to have a psychic on hand, once in awhile. All I wanted/needed was an "omen" to help me make a decision, because, the truth is I was held in place by the fear of making the wrong decision. Well, I got my omen!!!! On Thursday I was "let go" from my job. At first I felt humiliated, being escorted to my desk as if I was a criminal. There was also quite a bit of anger towards a few people and some fear of what would happen next. But, then I started to fit the newest piece of the puzzle in with the rest...This was exactly what I had asked for, it was my sign. I was absolutely miserable at Domino's. Every day it felt like the life was being sucked from me as I did absolutely NOTHING to better the World. All I did was push paperwork so that people who already HAVE money, could continue to get more. Since leaving, I've been applying to a bunch of part-time jobs, enjoying my time with Eva and getting my studying done. I'm being frugal and cutting out wasteless spending. Medical insurance for Eva is the one big thing I need to work on right now... Right now I feel really content. And relieved to be out of that place. Since I got pregnant with Eva, things are working out the way they are supposed to. I believe I am on the right path and each big event like this reminds me of that and encourages me to keep going. Even the little things are falling in to place. :-) What more could a girl ask for?

2009-02-25T14:00:00.001-05:00

Yum yum yum yum….I love Fattoush Shwarma salads! YUM! Baby girl is going to be happy tonight too when I surprise her with the chicken and hummus. She’s been eating hummus for a year or so now and she can eat it (and guacamole) by the spoonfull!!! Things are well. I finally made headway with U of M yesterday. Got the enrollment fee issue settled, the transcript update cleared up and now understand the financial aid process. Every now and then I start feeling a little anxious, like there’s something big that I’m supposed to be doing and forgot to do, I don’t know, it’s a little hard to explain. I think it’s a strange combination of anxiety, excitement, anticipation, fear…. I’m on a pretty big journey right now and each week brings some new piece of the puzzle that I need to figure out how to fit it in and make it work, and not just for me, but for everyone involved.

In other news, I’m starting to get the travel pangs again….I’m trying to subdue it until I’ve made it through school and gotten settled in a new job (in 2011!!!!!) I’m thinking that once I get in to the full swing of school I won’t have time to even think about travel, so the time should fly right by.

OK, I can’t focus right now, soooooo I’ll write another time.
ME

Not bad, huh?

2009-02-18T14:02:00.001-05:00

Only been a few weeks since I last posted, not bad, huh? The getting to U of M road continues to be a bit frustrating. It's been a month and my transcripts still have not posted, I've sent two e-mails to Nursing Admissions a couple of weeks ago and still haven't heard back, and I left a VM for a woman at Jackson CC and still haven't heard back! I keep reminding myself about Randy Pausch's quote in his book "The last lecture" that the "brick walls aren't there to keep you from realizing your dreams, just to determine who wants it bad enough" (THAT WAS A VERRRRYYY LOOSE QUOTE BY THE WAY). I won't give up. If I have to, I will drive over to the school and track down somebody to talk to in person.

Anyways, all is well. I am kicking a$$ in my Pathophysiology class. I currently have 147/150!!! I've fallen behind in my Bio/Org Chem class and have to take my second exam by this Sunday afternoon, so, I really need to step up and do this reading and practice questions before then. It should all turn out ok. I'm not too worried...yet. I was thrown a little curve ball this past week by being sick and it has been difficult to study and concentrate. Heck, it's been hard to stay awake!

Oh well, all is good. Speaking of chem, I better get to it! Take care :-)
ME

My response to an online application question...

2009-01-30T16:43:00.002-05:00

Question: Name one person that has had an impact on your life. Answer: My daughter, Eva Kristina. When I found out I was pregnant in 2006 I was packing for Chile to teach with the WorldTeach program for 10 months. Within a very short time-span I had to come up with a plan on how I was going to, not only be a single mother, but how to support a child. In the past 27 months I have been very successful at raising a beautiful, intelligent, funny and extremely independant little woman. Our journey has taught me patience, unconditional love, gratitude for the smallest things in life, how to laugh at and forgive myself when I make mistakes and how to get out of bed, even when I don't feel like it. Her presence has brought an indescribable amount of joy to my life and each day, each moment, brings a new challenge, a new lesson, and a distinct purpose to my life.

Question: What do I see myself doing in my professional and personal life after qraduation: Answer: After I complete my nursing degree in 2010 I will set to work to establish my basic nursing skills. When the necessary prerequisites have been met I will pursue a Master's Degree in Midwifery. I would like to work with teenage girls and single mother's to prepare them to be successful and happy mother's as well as to help decrease future unintended pregnancies. As opportunities arise I would like to travel outside of the United States on medical missions to help with similar issues as well as with HIV/AIDS treatment and prevention. Further down the road I would like to be involved with an international disaster response team (such as Doctors without Borders, OXFAM, RedCross, United Nations, etc.) to help with global emergencies such as earthquakes, mudslides, etc. In my personal life I will continue to spend time with my daughter and to help her be a productive, intelligent and ethical young woman; full of compassion and a willingness to help others.

I'm on cloud 9.... I'm on cloud 9!

2009-01-22T16:10:00.001-05:00

Today is a wonderful day! I have yet to receive a letter from U of M, BUT, they let the cat out of the bag a little early…Here’s how it played out….. I came in to work this morning and was checking my email. There was one saying that I needed to “reactivate my uniquename” and at first I thought it may have been some type of spam, since I already have a uniquename with them, one that worked just fine yesterday. I opened the e-mail and could barely concentrate because it was giving me the impression that I had been accepted. So, now my heart wasn’t beating and I rushed to the U of M prospective student site to see if my application page had any updates and it no longer said “under review” it said “YOU HAVE ACCEPTED ADMISSION TO THE UNIVERSITY”!!!!!! At this point I wasn’t even breathing and just made some grunting noise since I couldn’t even get out “oh my god”. I grabbed my phone and I ran downstairs and called my mom. I barely got out “I got in” before I started crying. Well, the crying kept going for quite some time. Every time I called somebody, I’d cry some more. I think my dad’s heart stopped as I called and barely got out a pathetic “daddy” and then just cried…I’m sure he thought something awful happened to me or Eva, maybe both… When I got back up to my desk, I cried more, for my coworkers and boss to see! OK, maybe it sounds crazy to cry so much over an acceptance, BUT, you have to understand that I have been waiting since AUGUST to hear something and with every communication my hope for getting in dwindled, they were receiving soooooooo many applications and there are ONLY 55 spots. Not only that, but I have so much riding on this, this is going to change my life, and my daughter’s. They were tears of pure joy and relief! Well, now I just have to wait for the official letter to come in the mail, and hopefully there is a package of information about the program and what to expect, because I still don’t have much idea of what the heck I’ve just gotten myself into!!! Crazy, right?

The wait is the hardest part...

2009-01-19T10:22:00.000-05:00

The wait to hear whether or not I’m going back to U of M is killing me. I submitted my application in AUGUST thinking, for some CRAZY reason, that I would hear something back by end of August or early September… HAH! They showed me… it’s the 19th of JANUARY (FIVE months later!) and I received an e-mail saying that I should hear something in the next several weeks…. So, not only is the wait getting me down, but that e-mail also said that they’ve received a very large volume of applications….. uh oh….. there’s only 55 spots available…. L …. Makes my chances of getting in even lower…. I’m really worried now. I’m trying to think positive though. I know I will make a great nurse. I hope they can see that in my application as well. If it’s not U of M, it will be somewhere else. I just haven’t planned for a “plan B” so, if I have to come up with one, I will. Here’s to not needing one though!!!!

Well, I’m getting ants in my travelling pants again. I keep flashing back to Antigua, Guatemala and other previous travels (like Europe in the winter) and I’m starting to want to go somewhere again. Sometimes I get really excited and say “That’s it! We’re getting out of here!” and then I remember that Eva doesn’t have a passport… It’s from pure laziness that I haven’t gotten her one yet…in many ways, it’s my safeguard from doing something crazy like, oh, I don’t know, spending hundreds to thousands of dollars to leave the country with a two year old….

I better get going. Just wanted to make an effort to post something. If I can get in to the habit of writing than maybe months and months won’t go by in between posts! Take care :-)

Once again...

2009-01-09T16:11:00.001-05:00

I've fallen off the blogging wagon L I always think about writing, but, you know what they say about the best of intentions… I’m still here, and one day I’d really like to make blogging a routine thing.

As of today I still haven’t received a letter from U of M L I did get a call in the middle of December saying that they were to begin the review process, so, I can only hope that it will come in the very very near future. I only sent the darn thing in FIVE months ago….!!!

All is good with the baby girl. She continues to amaze me and everyone else. She has such a strong personality and a great sense of humor. I have no doubts that she could be the class clown one day! She’s so goofy. Even after 27 months I still can’t stop myself from staring at her, covering her in kisses and telling her I love you constantly. She’s just an amazing little girl and I am very lucky to have her. It makes me feel so awful when I lose my temper with her, but, I am only human and I make mistakes too…..

School starts back up in a couple days and I have nooooooooo idea how I am going to manage all of this. I’ll take it one day at a time for now, and when I hear something from U of M I will have the flexibility to start making some changes, if needed. WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!

Eva meets her father

2008-10-22T15:14:00.000-04:00

No matter how hard I have tried, I have been unable to process what happened between 9 pm Sunday and 10 pm Monday. For two years I have dreamt, literally and figuratively, about the day that Eva would meet her father. Waiting for that day has been the source of incredible pain and sadness. My dreams were almost always the same, me trying to track Pablo down, only to find him and have him tell me he had no interest in being a part of her life and I would watch him, happily with his new family, declare that she and I were mistakes. The continued disappointment of having him say he would come and then not hearing from him for longer and longer stretches took its toll, to the point were I went numb to anything he said. It was no different last week when he said that he would be in Michigan for the weekend. My first reaction was disappointment, because it was the same weekend as my sister's wedding, which meant we wouldn't be here for almost 2 of the days that he would be. The second was, "OK. sure. I’ll believe it when I see it". Of course, I still went on to daydream about what would happen. The difference this time though, I didn't feel anything. When I found out Sunday afternoon that he was in fact in Michigan, I still didn't feel much. At about 9 pm, I arrived at his hotel with Eva sound asleep in my arms. He was in the parking lot and he walked over and took Eva from me. She woke up on the walk to his room, but, she never got upset or tried to come to me. In the room, she was quiet for maybe 5 minutes. After that, she came alive. The way those two interacted for the next day absolutely amazed me. It was better than I ever dreamed of. They looked at each other and interacted with each other with such love and such ease, it was breathtaking. Nobody would have ever believed that this was their first day together. I kept staring at them in amazement and would say to him, “Pablo. Look at this. She knows you. She loves you.” I don’t know how she did it, but, I truly believe she knew that that was her father. In their short time together, he was able to see all of the best of Eva. He also got to experience one of my favorite daily rituals; waking up with her. They woke up first and I just heard him say “Good morning baby” and she just started talking and laughing. She never stopped. Just to back up a little, during the night she started to whimper, then cry. I told him that she was dreaming and it shouldn’t last long. He went ahead anyways and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Within seconds she stopped crying. Throughout the day Pablo would have moments where he would look at her with such love and wrap his arms around her and kiss her and say “I love you.” I could also see the guilt he’s felt for having put us through all that he has. At times, he would look at me and put his hand on mine and say, “Thank you. Thank you for doing this. This means so much to me. I’m so sorry for everything. I appreciate you giving me this moment.” When his friend stopped by, you could see how proud he was of her and he worked hard to show her off. Once again, she came through and was incredibly funny, talkative, intelligent and as cute as possible. When we had to leave, he walked her to the car and put her safely in her car seat, he lingered inside with tears in his eyes as he tried to prolong their last moments together.

Our short time together was monumental and beautiful. My parents are very disappointed in me and felt that I was endangering the life of my daughter. I really don’t have a response for them. I don’t feel that I need to explain the reasons why I did this or why I won’t cut Pablo out of her life. I also won’t explain why, even though it still bothers me, I don’t make a fuss about getting financial support from him… maybe I’ll explain it another day. Other people don’t believe he feels bad about what happened and that everything is a lie. I have been wrong about a LOT of things, but, I know him better than many people think. I was never innocent in all of this and it was a bad and difficult situation for every one involved and every one went on to deal with it the only way they knew how and, for Pablo, that was to run. That time yesterday set us both free. I was able to resolve the anger and resentment that I was dragging around and he was able to see and hear that we have put all the negativity in the past and don’t hate him. He now knows how wonderful our daughter is for himself and will be able to hear her powerful laugh in his head and see the goofy faces she makes when he thinks about her.

Yesterday was a day I will never forget. As for what it to come…I don’t know what our future holds. I don’t know if that one day really impacted him to the point where he will fight harder to be a part of her life. I can only continue to take it one day at a time. I have made it clear that I will not be the one to burn the bridge between Pablo and Eva, or Eva and her half-sisters. That is something she will have to do herself, if she decides to in the future.

Found this in my wallet, wrote it in Antigua, Guatemala

2008-10-09T16:48:00.001-04:00

Subtle longings for a life I once led, fleeting moments of desire for what I can no longer posess; what I once touched I can no longer feel. Just memories. Nothing more. Nothing less. A life lived and not to be recreated…only reinvented. 10/1/2005

Down too long...

2008-10-06T16:15:00.002-04:00

This is from my favorite author's blog today.... http://paulocoelhoblog.com/

The Strength of the Warrior

The warrior - inadvertently - takes a wrong step and falls into the abyss. Phantoms startle him, loneliness torments him. As always he sought the Good Combat, and didn’t think this would happen to him.
But it did. Surrounded by darkness, he communicates with his master.
"Master, I have fallen into the abyss," he says. "The waters are deep and dark."
"Remember one thing," replies the master. "That it is not the fall which drowns, but the length of time underwater."
And this causes the warrior to use all his strength to get out of the situation in which he finds himself.

So, I post this because I now realize that I let myself stay down for too long this time...I saw this coming some time ago, but, thought that I could manage things by myself, since I've been doing a decent job for the past few years, but, too much is too much this time around and I have had to reach out. I can only hope that not too much time will pass before I get the hell out of here....I don't like being underwater :-(

The wait is the hardest part...

2008-10-03T10:30:00.002-04:00

It has been about 8 weeks, still no word from U of M :-( Well, that's not entirely true. Last Saturday I received a letter saying they needed to know what courses I'm currently enrolled in (which I put on the application) and they needed an offical transcript from WCC (which I already paid $20 for and submitted in person). Turns out the transcript must not have looked "official enough". I tried to sneak in my current grades with the course list and I can only hope that they have received the new official transcript and that I will get a decision letter next week. I honestly thought that I was going to turn in my application and then hear back while I was in Costa Rica in August. Every time I call to check on the status, I am told that I am guaranteed to hear something by December. DECEMBER!!!!! I will have gone completely nuts by then... I cross my fingers and hopefully with the power of positive thinking I will get an acceptance letter this upoming week...maybe next....I'm not very good at this waiting game.

last days continued...

2008-08-31T09:36:00.002-04:00

OK...I´ve got a few more minutes sooooo...We wanted to get out of Manuel Antonio and decided to head to Alajuela a day early BUT the bus to san jose didn´t leave until 5 p.m. which means we would have arrived in san jose well after dark, would have needed to look for another bus station, then disembark in alajuela and begin lookin for a hotel. We decided that wasn´t the best plan, so, we took the bus to Jaco and stayed there for a night. I had never had any desire to go to Jaco, BUT, it was a cool little town. If I hadn´t of been so tired I may have tried going dancing. Anyways, we got off of the bus and stopped at the first hotel on our side of the street. It was a little place called LA COMETA and it was cheap and clean. The room was actually a really decent size and we had hot water and a/c so it was a great place for 36$!!!!! We wandered around a bit, made some phone calls, had a milk shake and bought some groceries. Here´s something about Costa Rica that is driving me nuts and really shocks me....in every other place I´ve been in the World even in Honduras and Guatemala, there are phone and computer places on every corner. NOT IN COSTA RICA. In all the places we´ve been, Jaco is the only exception. Before I left I told my mom. It´s one of those little things that gets to me now since people always talk about costa rica being more advanced that some of the other central american countries. In some ways it is...it that regard, it´s not even close. OK, enough whining.... We woke up early in Jaco and took the 9am bus to San Jose. Once we made it to alajuela we started looking for the hotel in pouring rain. The rain thing doesn´t bother me. I knew it was going to rain everyday and I was prepared for it. I have been pleasantly surprised since it hasn´t rained nearly as much as I expected it to. That said, I need to complain again for a minute. Another of my disappointments is in the expectation that the Costa Ricans would be the friendliest and most helpful people in the World. In general they are friendly and helpful, but not more than any one else. I must say I really think the people in Honduras and Guatemala are much more so... The other thing that bugs me (and I expected this as I read about the warnings on trip advisor) is that Costa Ricans (supposedly because they don´t want to dissapoint you), when asked for directions, will always answer you, regardless of whether or not they REALLY know where something is. This is happened to us a few times and can agree with others that you should always ask multiple people where something is. THIS TO ME IS NOT FRIENDLY AND NOT HELPFUL AND IS DOWNRIGHT INCONSIDERATE BEHAVIOR. I would much prefer that someone tell me, ¨i´m sorry, but, I don´t know where it is.¨ instead of having me wander BLOCKS AND BLOCKS out of my way, because they didn´t want to ¨disappoint¨me. OK, sooo after a few misdirections, we ended up at our hotel, HOTEL LOS VOLCANES, and it´s an awesome little place. Definitely a great bargain! We wandered around to find some food and ended up at a little place that was actually good. Here´s another thing I learned on tripadvisor that I will agree with. I won´t really call this a complaint, sinc I was prepared and it´s helping me to not gain weight, BUT most of the food here has absolutely NO FLAVOR. I don´t know how they manage to do it, but, most meals are very much uneventlful for your taste buds. There have been a few exceptions, DOS LOCOS in Quepos was amazing, the little place in San Jose was good, and the food last night was good. Also, the popcorn at the movie theater was THE BEST i´ve ever had. The other things that WILL NEVER disappoint, are 1) the bakeries 2)dos pinos icecream! Everything else, not matter how much you pay, is a toss up. Soooo, around 4:30 yesterday we decided to hop a bus and head to the nearest mall. I´ve never been in one in Central or South America and decided to check it out and go see a movie. We ended up seeing the first movie available and it was some new movie with Brendan Fraser about the Center of the World. It was all in spanish and I am SO SO SO proud of myself because I actually understood the majority of it. The movie was really cute and funny and the popcorn was so yummy! We were near hypothermia in the theatre though, since we got caught in a downpour before entering and were soaking wet inside where they had really strong a-c on. We were freezing! We were also happy the movie was short, not because we were cold, but so we could shop! The mall was really really cool and had some great prices. I found the most incredible suit and top, but of course, it was one size too small!!! I ended up with 3 really cute pairs of earing and some bracelets for FOUR dollars. We tried to get over to a bookstore, but, most of the shops closed at 8pm (which saddened me greatly) sooooo we didn´t have too much time to look around. In hindsight, we should have done the shopping before the movie (we would have been drier, too!) Luckily we found the bus in the dark and made it back to the hotel around 9 pm. It was a really nice night. Well, I´m waiting for Kristen to wake up (it´s 8 am here) and we need to do final packing, breakfast and leave no later than 10 for the airport. The water here was cold, so my 5:30 am shower was quite the wake up call for me! Let me revise that, the water was hot, long enough to burn me, then went back to cold....maybe 15 seconds total of not freezing water. Not really a complaint, I survived two months of cold showers in honduras. They never really bothered me midday, when I was hot and it was hot outside. BUT, the ones i had to take early in the morning were always really really hard on me.... OK...I know I´ve complained quite a bit and talked about being disappointed BUT all in all I really really have had a great time!!! I´m really happy I´m functionally fluent in spanish because it gets you so much further and really makes everything better and you are able to learn so much more about the people and to develop bonds. It is my belief that people actually treat you a lot better when you are able to communicate effectively with them. When I get back home I will try to write about things I may have forgotten. TAKE CARE!!!!

last days

2008-08-31T08:37:00.001-04:00

Well, the last few days have flown by soooooo quickly. It seems like we spent the majority of it on busses travelling. Friday morning we hiked Manuel Antonio rainforest and saw a sloth and a spider WOO HOOOOO (i´m saying that sarcastically, by the way). So, the animal front was disappointing, and so was the trail, BUT we did have a very good time hiking to the waterfall. Had to cross a couple mid-calf deep rivers/streams and climb down and up some very very muddy hills, so, it was definitely an adventure slipping and sliding everywhere! I ended up leaving my shoes and socks at the hotel since there was no way those would dry and I wouldnt put them in my bag. All in all I´m still happy we went because i never thought I would do a hike like that AND the monkeys still hang out on the beach! You got it, tons of little white faced monkeys just roaming around like it´s nothing out of the ordinary. Kristen and I even got peed on by one! That´s another experience i donçt need to relive.

Well, I have more to say but the spacebar is sticking again and driving me nuts. Will write again when I can.

The last days

2008-08-30T17:58:00.002-04:00

Don´t have much time at the moment to write, but, wanted to do a quick update. Thursday night we went to Bylbos for dance lessons. I´m already a decent salsa dancer so I was really looking forward to learning a few new things. We had a great time and the guys that work there are awesome! It´s been a long time since I´ve been to a bar in a tourist area, but, I´ve gotten really good at picking out the guys that pray on lonely gringas! The guy that came after me didn´t fair to well and moved on to some younger girl who looked very happy to be dancing with him. Friday morning we woke up really late and went to the national park. Bought some incredible dresses from some stands by the entrance. One for me and one for my daughter. I know many people are going to be upset when I say this, but, in general I was very very disappointed with Quepos and Manuel Antonio. I´ve done a lot of travelling in central and south america, most in Honduras where I lived briefly and I had extremely high expectations of Costa Rica...maybe that was my problem, the expectations. I did not find people to be as friendly or as helpful as people always talk about (with expections like Melania and her husband Gilberto and other people in La Fortuna) and so many people are quick to rip you off. I don´t let the money thing become an issue when it´s only a dollar here or there (like the dress lady on the beach that refused to give me my change...or all the taxis that refuse to put on the meter) as I know it is needed more by the other person than by myself. This is just not something that has ever happened to me any where else. Manuel Antonio now, comapred to 10 years ago, is completely overdeveloped, it no longer has that charm it used to ( IN MY OPINION). We wanted to leave for Alajuela ahead of schedule but the bus for San Jose didn´t leave till 5pm. Sooooo we opted to take a bus to Jaco and stay the night there. That´s an interesting little place... Found a nice little place to stay, called LA COMETA, which ended up being next to a bar with live music. I was soooo happy to have my earplugs! We wandered around awhile and headed back to the room, we were exhausted. We are now at LOS VOLCANES in alajuela and it is such a cute little place. And a great bargain too!!"! I like this place, it´s busy and lively without being San Jose and havé only seen two other tourists! THIS IS HOW I LIKE IT :-) I could have stayed here much longer. OH well. We are going to try checking out the mall to kill a few hours and maybe take in a movie. I´ve always wanted to see a movie when I was travelling but never had time. I think it will be a cool experience.
Sorry my thoughts probably aren´t coming out very well. Mentally and physically I am exhausted. I will try to form better thoughts when Im back home.

manuel antonio...not what it used to be

2008-08-28T18:30:00.001-04:00

What a disappointment! After the way people talked about this place, and my memories from 10 years ago I expected Manuel Antonio to be paradise...we are getting out of here tomorrow morning. Quepos is a real dump of a town and I have never seen so much barbed wire in my life, even around the elementary schools...what's that telling you? Doesn't make me feel warm and cozy....We are going to try going out tonight, we're going to hang out at El Avion in Oliver North's plane for some drinks and the sunset...if we can see it, it's soooooooooooooo rainy here! It took EIGHT hours to get here yesterday from Arenal... EIGHT HOURS! That was our big adventure yesterday. The family that ran our hotel drove us to the first stop an hour and a half out of town! They are amazing!!! Took my first night bus in central america as it gets dark at 5:30 and we arrived at 8 pm and found a taxi to our hotel...also a disappointment. Under ANY other circumstances it would be beautfiul, it is, BUT I was expecting to wake up to the sound of monkeys and lizards, like I did 10 years ago....but I fell asleep to loud music from the bar, sounds of dishes clashing in the kitchen and non stop traffic. Woke up to the traffic. Since we've been here, we've seen ONE lizard. That's it. Maybe we'll have luck tomorrow. If not, I'm going to try and find the zoo in San Jose and take some pictures of animals for Eva!

Ohhhhh...today...so far we've walked about 4-5 miles, most of it up or down inclines that surpasses any incline a treadmill could ever do! Combined with eating sporadically, but heartily, I think we are a little slimmer than when we arrived. OOOOkkkkkk, sorry I don't have any more adventorous stuff to share. Maybe something will happen. I have feeling the rest of the trip might be more relaxing that exciting...

See you soon,
ME

Last full day in La Fortuna, Arenal

2008-08-27T10:04:00.001-04:00

ok ok ok so I may not have actually had a near death experience, but, I felt like I came pretty close a couple times yesterday! Day started out calm, the dad at the hotel drove us in to town and we perused awhile until we decided to walk the 2km back in the costa rican sun...we were so sweaty by the time we finally made it we jumped in the pool. The water was awesome! At 10:30 we were picked up so that we could go risk our lives on the biggest and baddes zip lines in costa rica. If you don´t know what a zip line is, you have a harness that goes around your waist, and then you are clipped on to a wire several hundred feet above the rainforest floor. These particular ones I believe are almost 700 feet above at some points and go from a couple hundred meters long up to a half mile. Once your hooked up you grab the handle bars and let go and zip from one platform to another around 45+ KMH or more! GOOD GOD WE ARE CRAZY! Once you make the decision to start, there is no backing out, you have to complete the entire course of 6 or so lines. On one of them....I didn´t make it all the way ot the platform....lost my momentum and couldn´t make it up the upswing.....and yes....i was left DANGLING over the rainforest. Whever I let go of the bars to pull myself I would start sliding back towards the middle of the line! I finally got my body turned completely around and used every muscle I had in my arm to start trying to pull myself up the upswing...when I got about half way to the platform the guide hooked up and started zipping towards me. I won´t repeat what I said as he came flying towards me and hit me BuuuuuuuUUUTTTTTT lets just say I was a little freaked out at seeing him come at me. While we worked to wrap his legs tightly around me I took a moment to enjoy the beautiful scenery...the giant lake underneath me and the active volcano to my right. If I was going to die I could not have chosen a prettier place! OH and we saw monkeys and the volcano rumbled, by the way :-)

OK, I survived the lines and later that night the dad drove us and 2 of his kids to the volcano for the night viewing and we saw some lava flowing out! Couldn´t capture it on camera though. He then dropped us of at the garden of eden, paradise, also known as the Baldi Hot Springs and resort. That place was incredible...14 different springs (all different temps...did you know 113 degrees is really really hot...i lasted for a minute before I couldnt take te pain anymore, decided not to try the 152 degrees after that) 3 swim up bars, waterfalls and beautiful lighting up the wazoo and beds built in to the water! I even went down a waterslide, which is where I thought I was going to die again...I didnt think 45 kmh would be very fast...but I started out sitting up and the speed forced me onto my back and I started to think I was a rocket, I hit the water with incredible force, got the biggest wedgie of my life and was sure I was going to crack my head on the wall as I hit it. Turns out that that didn´t happen... the wall was pretty far away and that section of the water was deeper so I didnt hit the bottom either. I only went one time. Some things you just DONT have to do twice....

OK, we were thinking about going to Panama after the mom here recommeded it. Still might, just don´t know if we have time. We are going to find our way to Manuel Antonio today but have to take several different busses to get there. The fmaily might drive us to the first stop an hour and a half away since they have to go there today.

All in all I´m ok, I´m sore from the rafting, and a little burnt in some places even though I am using spf 50 all day long...problem is I keep sweating it off, I think.... write back when I can!

I´m back!

2008-08-25T19:23:00.002-04:00

Wow. I just got back from white water rafting in RIO BALSAS. I always thought that it looked like fun and really adventorous but was too scared. In the spirit of PURA VIDA I went on a whim and booked us a trip after Melania (the hotel owner) recommended it and showed me some pictures. I am soo sooo soooooo happy I went! It was a half day tour for $60 and it was incredible. I don´t want to tie up this computer for too long so I will have to write another day. Tomorrow we are going on the zip lines! I CAN¨T WAIT!!!!

Day One complete

2008-08-24T08:50:00.002-04:00

Hello all again. After writing last we went to the bar at Hotel Balmoral, up on the second floor so we could watch the people outside. It´s open air (most things are here, which I love!) so it was a bit chilly. I´m happy I brought warmer clothes :-) The waiters were super super friendly and we got into long discussions about the money here. So, it turns out that some of the money I brought with me from my trip here 2 years ago no longer is in circulation. They thought it was great that I ahve the bills. They each have some expired currency that they keep folded up in their wallets with the date that they have carried it since written on the bill. They are little keepsakes for them. They can also be worth some money. They gave us some great tips on where to go and not to go dancing. After our drink we went back to the room to get ready. I am so happy that the room has super hot water and a hair dryer! Once we were ready we found a taxi and headed over to Centro Commercial EL PUEBLO. ANOTHER FREAKING MAZE!!! What do Costa Ricans have against signs?!?!!?! The place was nearly impossible to navigate so we wandered a little (ps...it was about 7:30 and we were dressed up for dancing! Time goes sooooo slow here) Checked out some of the menus and then settled on LUKAS restaurant for drinks and snacks to pass some time. Again, friendly waiters, this time too friendly. The guy ended telling us he would take us over to a different club, far away from these ones so that we would ahve a better time....YEAH RIGHT! We´re gringas, we´re drinking, but we´re not retarded. Anyways, the nachos we ordered were some of the best things I´ve eaten in my entire life! They were soooo soo sooooo good. Heré´s another thing about costa rica. Everyone runs on turtle time.....slllloooooooowwwwww. I´ve always clashed with Central Americans sense of time. They enjoy life and are never in a hurry. Soooooo it took us almost 45 minutes or more to get the bill. I love that it´s super relaxed, it just takes me a little time to switch from USA Ï´m always in a hurry and it better happen right now¨ mode to ¨i´m enjoying life and the people and things around me, why rush?¨ . Sooooooooo we ended up going to 3 different clubs (Tarrico, Fiesta Latina, and Bongos? I say ¨Bongos¨because that´s where I THOUGHT I was but hen we were leaving we passed by Bongos....maybe there was 2.....maybe I had too much Guaro....) I´ve switched to having an occasional shot of Guaro (the local liquor that could be similar to paint thinner but with a hint of citrus ...) and found that it´s best when paired with a really sour lime.... the lime is so bitter you can barely taste the Guaro....ahhhhhh brings back good memories of Honduras! Maybe later I´ll write about the different clubs and why we only stayed till 11 or 11:30 p.m.....We didn´t do ANY dancing, but, it was cool to watch the Tico´s and compare them to the clubs and how we dance back home.

Got to get ready and start the next adventure. PURA VIDA
Alissa

OK. It´s 7 am not and GORGEOUS outside

Part 1 of Day 1 in San Jose, Costa Rica

2008-08-23T18:25:00.002-04:00

Well, all, I am here. Safe, sound and....wet. Let´s open with this: THe keyboards here are different, so, please forgive typos. Couldn`t really sleep last night. I´d guess I have around 2 -3 hours sleep. The trip from Detroit to Houston went really well, I highly recommend continental. Was planning on studying spanish on the plane, but, who can resist Patrick Dempsey on a 5 inch screen?! Sooooo watched ¨Made of Honor¨, which was cute. Did a little reading on the Houston to San Jose flight, but mostly watched scenery. Landed in San Jose and went into Spanish mode right away! Here´s the thing though, the better you sound, the faster they answer you! Me, being somewhat of a dummy, just says OK because I don´t want to keep saying ¨What???¨, especially not after they compliment me on my spanish! Sooooo we got taken at the currency exchange because I just didn´t understand everything she said, mostly because I wasn´t paying great attention. We lost about $20.00 because she gave us a lower exchange rate. BUUUUTTTTT....I had planned on taking a taxi, which, would have cost $20+ and made our lives MUCH easier. Kristen though, was feeling adventerous and suggested taking the public bus...soooo we went in search of one. TIP NUMBER ONE...NEVER ask a cabbie (especially a pirate/unofficial one) for directions to a bus, you´ll end up in Timbuktu. The good news ladies n gents, is that I was prepared for this type of trickery and grabbed Kristen (who´s to nice to be rude and tell him to get lost and walk away while he´s talking) and went to where I saw busses. Found a police officer and asked him the way to San Jose. He was soooooo nice, he babysat us until the bus came :) He kept telling us ¨Be very careful, san jose is verrry dangerous, you should take a taxi once you get to the bus stop¨ So got on the bus and eventually made it to downtown san jose. The bus trip cost about eighty cents, making up even for the 20 we lost at exchange since we didn´t pay the cab fare. Well, we didn´t know where the hotel was (didn´t have reservations either) so we just started wandering, ignoring the advice about a hotel....coul´dn´t be THAT far away, could it? Some may have whipped out their map, but, I refuse to look more touristy and to let people know I have NO idea where I´m at sooooo...we wandered...and the rain started....not heavy rain, but rain, wet rain (I was super smart to pack all my stuff into sealed plastic bags so that nothing would get wet inside). Occasionally we would ask for directions, and everything I had read about TICOs (what you call a Costa Rican) is true, THEY HATE TO DISAPPOINT PEOPLE SO EVEN IF THEY DON´T KNOW WHERE SOMETHING IS, THEY´LL JUST GIVE YOU RANDOM DIRECTIONS!!!! Well, out of maybe 7 people we asked, only 1 person gave us the right directions. After walking a mile or 2 we got to the hotel, looking like drowned rats, and they had no rooms available! We went across the street to Hotel Balmoral and now have a cute little closet to sleep in for the night...it´s tiny...BUT very cozy, with A-C free soap and shampoo and towels and it´s in the center of downtown. We laid down for a minute to try and take in everything that just happened, it was such a blur. What an adventure. We are off to a fabulous start!!! We were starved at this point and decided to wander till we found something local (sorry, I´m not here to eat Denny´s, KFC, Subway, McDonalds or the like...which are everywhere here) and cheap. We ended up in this little shopping center and got this incredibly huge and butter laden plate of food and a drink for $4.00. Had grilled chicken, rice with corn , fried tortilla, butter with mashed potates mixed in and butter soaked veggies...soooo yummy!!! (glad we walked so much!) Then we went off in search of a supermarket for water. Walked through a really seedy part of town (complete with the famous HOTEL DEL RAY which is the prostitute bar and hotel...in fact that whole area is one huge brothel). Now I´m here writing you guys, and the next step is to go collect our free drink from the bar, then try and fix my appearance some what, get dressed up, find a taxi and go out dancing. ....

Well, the first few hours have been fabulous. I still don´t feel excited. I feel like I have come home. I´m relaxed, I´m happy and I feel like I fit in. I promise to be safe as I live life to its fullest ;) Until the next time...
Alissa

I am so bad at this!

2008-08-20T15:02:00.002-04:00

OK, keeping up with things is not my forte, as you may have noticed. HOWEVER, I am THREE days away from landing in Costa Rica sooooooooooooooo it is time to bring this thing back to life! I had no problems accessing computers in Honduras or Guatemala, so, I find it hard to believe that there would be issues in Costa Rica. Right now, our very loose plan is to fly in to San Jose (explore and go dancing), go to Arenal (do some volcano watching, ziplines, waterfall? hot springs?), then off to Manuel Antonio (rain forest, beaches?, dancing, explore) then spend the last night in Alajuela? (explore) since it is right next to the Airport. The ONLY thing we have booked right now is our flights, so, this will be a true adventure and will be living PURA VIDA to its fullest!!!

3 weeks down and 9 to go!!!

2008-06-05T12:17:00.002-04:00

So, the first quarter of my A&P class is done and going well. I took my first lab practical and scored 23/25. Took the 150 question exam a few days later (crying before I took it!) but won't know the score until next week. I feel so-so about it, I would guess somewhere between a B & C. We went to the cadaveur lab Tuesday night and that was exciting! I was so proud of myself for not feeling sick or grossed out and I was even touching it. I am very lucky to have this experience so early on because imagine how awful it would be to not do that until I was close to getting my degree and would pass out every time I was near a dead or nearly dead body!!! Might put a crimp in my plan...

Eva is well! Extremely, extremely intelligent! The latest baby update e-mail I received said the average 19 month old has a vocabulary of 10-50 words and two-word structures... Eva is sooooooo far beyond that with considerably more than 50 words (knowing such things as OCTOPUS and REFRIDGERATOR). Two-word structures???? FORGET ABOUT IT, this kid is already up to 5 or more ("No touch Eva ear, Mommy!) ("Leave it alone, please") ("Eva want this one") ("Eva no like it") ("Jump the gate deer") ("Baby jennifer share crackers")... I know, I'm bragging, I am just sooooooooooo pround of my baby girl! One last thing though....I had a parent/teacher conference with her toddler room teacher and they did a series of testing/evaluations and she has already hit many of the 2-3 year old milestones.

Well. We've also started the transition to Chelsea. We take some boxes each time we go and unpack them right away. My goal is to move out there completely the last week of June. I will have to get used to being a commuter....sure would be nice if I had done this when gas was only $1.99/gallon!!!

OK, I must get going. Pretty soon I need to start my application for U of M so that I'm not trying to do it all at the very last minute. CUIDATE!

ALISSA

Mi princessa

2008-05-12T12:10:00.000-04:00

Such a precious little girl!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so proud of my baby girl. Ella es el gran amor de mi vida :-)

Something from Paulo Coelho's webpage that I liked...

2008-04-16T21:26:00.000-04:00

How the path was forged
Published
by
Paulo Coelho
on April 16, 2008
in Stories. 0 Comments
In issue nr. 106 of Jornalinho, (Portugal), I find a story which teaches us much about that which we choose without thinking:One day, a calf needed to cross a virgin forest in order to return to its pasture. Being an irrational animal, it forged out a tortuous path full of bends, up and down hills.The next day, a dog came by and used the same path to cross the forest. Next it was a sheep’s turn, the head of a flock which, upon finding the opening, led its companions through it.Later, men began using the path: they entered and left, turned to the right, to the left, bent down, deviating obstacles, complaining and cursing - and quite rightly so. But they did nothing to create a different alternative.After so much use, in the end, the path became a trail along which poor animals toiled under heavy loads, being forced to go three hours to cover a distance which would normally take thirty minutes, had no one chosen to follow the route opened up by the calf.Many years passed and the trail became the main road of a village, and later the main avenue of a town. Everyone complained about the traffic, because the route it took was the worst possible one.Meanwhile, the old and wise forest laughed, at seeing how men tend to blindly follow the way already open, without ever asking whether it really is the best choice.

The plan...

2008-03-21T16:30:00.002-04:00

Paulo Coelho, my favorite author, says....."And, when you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it ... It's called the principle of favorability, beginner's luck. Because life wants you to achieve your destiny." Right now, there is something I want more than anything. I want to go back to school. I want to be a nurse. For years I have been trying to figure out what to get my Master's in. I've looked at Public Health, Social Work, Public Service... everything I would look at got me excited, made me do a little research and then within a few months I could care less. The same thing happened a year ago when I looked at the U of M second career nursing program. After realizing how much work was involved and sucumbing to the fear that it would be "too difficult to do with a baby and I would miss so much of her life..." I lost interest in this as well. BUT, in January, for whatever reason I stumbled back on the nursing site and this time, something sparked inside of me. It was that "desire that originated in the soul of the Universe that Paulo talks about in The Alchemist, I haven't lost it, in fact that desire has increased. Each time I get a step closer to my goal (being admitted into one of the 55 spots that are available) I get much more excited! This is really exciting!!! I have had one "omen" after another that probably helps with the excitement, Paulo says to "follow the omens" and I am. Each one makes me that much more confident that I have made the right choice and that this is my destiny.

So, I start the biggest, and maybe most challenging leg of the journey May 12th. After that, in August, I can apply to the school. Within a few weeks to a few months (it's rolling admissions this year so I should hear shortly after I apply...should...) and then I take it from there. I will enroll in another class in September regardless and if I am accepted I will finish up my prerequisites and begin school in SEPTEMBER OF 2009, finishing in August of 2010 (SO FAR AWAY!!!!!!!!) I would then have to pass the state exams and imaging that I would have my first job in 2011 (wooo hoo, three years away!!!! I can't wait!!!)

OK GOT TO GO>>>>> CHECK BACK FOR UPDATES!

2008-03-21T16:26:00.000-04:00

"It is only by following your deepest instinct that you can lead a rich life, and if you let your fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct then your life will be safe, expedient, and thin."

Katherine Butler Hathaway

Why does it still seem so real....

2008-03-06T09:00:00.003-05:00

There are times when I close my eyes and my mind floods with memories of Honduras, Guatemala and Chile. More often than not the memories are a source of amusement, remembering all the wonderful and crazy things that happened. Other times it's as if they are haunting me, filling me with such an intense longing and a hint of emptiness that I feel as if the only way to make things right is to hop on a plane and get back down there as quickly as possible. For many months now I have been trying to do just that, get back down there. It feels like a part of me is still, and always will be down there, a part of myself that I loved...and that I am slowly losing. It's hard to make most people understand how 2 months of cold showers, big bugs, and third-world living could actually be liberating and addicting...but is was... I've thought many times about taking Eva down with me, it just scares me to think about taking her down there being so little....carrying everything for the two of us, her running off, the diseases... When I get scared like that I always think about my favorite book The Alchemist (by Paulo Coelho) and I ask myself...Do I want to be the shephard or the baker? I don't EVER want to be the baker....EVER...I feel as if I have been lately...but, changes are in the works, and I might have to suck it up and see if someone can watch Eva (I feel selfish and horrible for even wanting to go somewhere without her) so that I can go back for a few days, find that part of myself again and restore my sanity. At least for a little while.

EVA

2008-03-01T14:54:00.001-05:00

A tiny miracle. A beautiful being that can bring a smile to my face and make me laugh out loud even when she's not around. Flirtatious. Intelligent. Brave. She makes it very difficult to even imagine our lives with another child because I can't understand how I could ever love any other child as much as I do her. She deserves it all. My love, my time, my energy, and yes, my money.

Watching her grow has been amazing - physically - she is like a weed growing so fast and getting around so quickly! Her facial features are just stunning. She's always the entertainer with her multitude of facial expressions and noises. Mentally - she's so sharp. It's like watching my child development textbook come to life. I am thrilled that I chose psychology as my major because I know that I have more (much more) patience and understanding for my little bundle of wonder and discovery (a.k.a trouble maker) because I have that knowledge.

Eva brings a type of joy and fullfillment to my life that I still continuously struggle to put into words. I look forward to each day and am excited to share the World with her, helping her to discover her surroundings - near and far. She is my angel, the love of my life, my daughter, Eva.

2008-02-12T16:14:00.000-05:00

Eva trying on her flower girl dress

2008-02-12T14:38:00.000-05:00

Eva being super goofy in February 2008

wowwwwwwwww....

2008-02-12T14:36:00.000-05:00

How could I be so negligent???!?!?!? It's been over a year since I have written. Time and time again I think, "I need to write something. I have so much that I want to say" and, of course, I never get around to it. I want to say "THIS WILL CHANGE", but, we will just have to wait and see!

With love,
Alissa and baby girl Eva

2006-12-22T13:40:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays

2006-12-22T13:36:00.000-05:00

Once again I have fallen off of the blogging wagon :( Life has just been so time consuming, after all, I have a job, I have family and friends, I have sleep and most importantly I have a perfect brand new little girl!!! A True Angel :) Eva is now 10 weeks old (still has not seen her papi...what an ass) 12.2 lbs and 23 1/4 inches (as of 12/15/06) and such a happy little girl. She is my light and my true love. She's also rather famous where I live, everyone loves to see her and hold her and they ask about her all the time. I couldn't imagine leaving this complex right now because I feel that this will be a good place to raise her.

I would love to write more, but I must get busy at work

With love, ME, Eva and Marbles

she's here!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-17T21:29:00.000-04:00

october 14th 2006 8:33am 7.8 lbs 20.5 inches 28 hours from first contractions to delivery a beautiful angel! Eva Kistina

5 days late

2006-10-11T16:15:00.000-04:00

Well all, I meant to send this awhile ago but we all know by now that I am an eternal procrastinator..... soooooo....the big news...... I"M STILL PREGNANT!!!!!!

My little angel Eva is running about 5 days behind her estimated due date, just like her mommy. went to the midwife today and everything still looks good, I am 2 centimeters dialated and some other things are happening so they do think that she will come on her own before the scheduled induction on the 19th.

all in all we are doing very well. just a waiting game now. For those of you that have asked i finally went and registered at babies r us (www.babiesrus.com ) . I had gone to the store just to walk around and exercise and ended up there for 2.5 hours, which is not something i want to do again. ever.

well, i just put laundry in and am feeling very sleepy, and my stomach isn't feeling so great since she's been hurting me a little the past 24 hours.....better get used to it right?! Part of me hopes it means she will be here in the next day or so, but if she at least waits until Saturday night i would be able to go to the School of Public Health prospective student day Saturday morning/afternoon, which isn't completely necessary but could be important to our future!

with love to you all, and I will let you know when she is here and send pictures too!

NickelBack, Good Song

2006-09-23T12:57:00.000-04:00

Nickelback Far Away Lyrics
This time, This place Misused, Mistakes Too long, Too late Who was I to make you wait Just one chance Just one breath Just in case there's just one left 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] I love you I have loved you all along And I miss you Been far away for far too long I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore On my knees, I'll ask Last chance for one last dance 'Cause with you, I'd withstand All of Hell to hold your hand I'd give it all I'd give for us Give anything, but I won't give up 'Cause you know, you know, you know [CHORUS] So far away So far away Been far away for far too long So far away So far away Been far away for far too long But you know, you know, you know I wanted I wanted you to stay 'Cause I needed I need to hear you say I love you I have loved you all along And I forgive you For being away for far too long So keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore Believe it Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go Keep breathing Hold on to me and, never let me go

More Ouch

2006-09-07T13:33:00.000-04:00

Does pregnancy ever end??!?!?!?! Geez, it's not that I don't love pregnancy, because I do...I've been very lucky...BUT sometimes I feel like I'm falling apart, each day a new adventure, a new pain... Last week I self-diagnosed myself with a bruised tailbone (how I had bruised it I NEVER figured out, just assumed it was from sitting on it with my now 205 lbs). Well, after days of increasing pain, by friday night I swore it was swelling, which panicked me because I figured the bone was in very bad shape. Soooooo, through a series of odd events I actually woke up early Saturday morning to go to the Walk-In clinic and who'da known that it was NOT the bone, but an infected something or another (cyst? abcess?) and required 2 shots, a scalpel cut, lots of pusing to drain it, plenty of water, and gauze to stuff under the skin :( I didn't complain to much, my only real comment was... "WELL, I better get used to pain real quick!" After this I actually had less pain then I had in the previous days, but because of where it was, and my sensitive state of pregnancy, it was bed rest for me the rest of the weekend with return trips to the clinic Sunday to remove and restuff the wound, then tuesday to remove for good. So far so good, looks like I am pretty much healed. Bad news for me though is that I am on anti-biotics AGAIN :(

As far as Eva goes, we went to the mid-wife yesterday and we are in very good shape. I was lucky to get an ultrasound last week and the amazing little girl has hair!!!! I can't wait to meet her :) Last night I went to a pediatricians office for a "pre-natal" night, and I just love the place. As long as I can get my insurance straightened out ASAP (I've been trying for a couple months now) I will be able to take her there. I recently bought her carseat, which was traumatizing for me, i HATE comparison shopping, but I feel I made a good choice and her safety and comfort are well worth the money (I didn't get the cheapest thing out there.) Yesterday I started gathering some things for the hospital, I figure it's about time to get serious about this. However, I've got LOTS more to do. As much as I want her today, I really do need the time.

On a random note, as I was driving yesterday I was thinking about a phrase that popped into my head... "There are no mistakes in life, only choices". I have developed any real thoughts about it yet, but so far i agree. Do you?

la penguina

2006-08-22T10:14:00.000-04:00

OK, I would say I have officially (or very close to it!) started waddling when I walk... I swear that every single morning I wake up I am bigger than when I laid down. I am positive that all of this is normal, but it's really starting to take a toll on me! My feet, legs, hips, butt and back are starting to hurt more and more and I've got these disgusting stretch marks on the middle of my tummy!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I've got what....approximately 6 weeks to go.....i think i might be shamu by then :( All I know, is that I really really hope that my boss sends someone over to be in the office with me in the next few weeks because I don't know how enticing it will be for prospective residents to watch me huff and puff as i drag myself and my belly up the stairwells to show apartments! Especially if I have to stop half way up to take a break!!!! :) Ok, let me stop being so dramatic. This is getting harder and harder but I'm not a beached whale YET.

Is it everything?

2006-08-18T11:48:00.000-04:00

I'm not really sure why I am sitting here thinking about this, but it certainly isn't the first time I have really given this topic some thought....the "american dream" as far as it relates to immigrants, legal or illegal. The first time I was really put in a situation where I HAD to think about it was when I was taking my "CUBA AND ITS DIASPORA" class at U of M. We were watching a documentary of different people, each with their own story and dreams and ideas about life in the United States and the documentary followed these people from their escape from Cuba to several years into their life in the USA. Everybody left the island with these ideas of a perfect life, filled with big houses, fancy cars, tons of money (from little work) and complete freedom. Every single person said they were leaving in order to better support their family. Well, years later, the majority of the people were struggling financially and were often disappointed by the dream they didn't acheive. They found that even after working two or three jobs, they could still barely afford the things that they needed let alone have much left over to send to their families back home....some had completely abandoned their families (wives and children) and began new ones. Of course, there's much more to say about the video, but today I find myself thinking about the community around me, which is so saturated with immigrants that sometimes I close my eyes and I can feel like I still am living abroad! Where I work and live especially, I hear more spanish than I do english and part of me just wants to sit down with some of these people and get there stories....hopes and dreams before they left their country, their journeys here and details of their lives now. HOW IS THEIR "AMERICAN DREAM" MEASURING UP????? Sometimes I do get bits and pieces of these stories, and they are always fascinating...you can see the pain when they talk about the struggles and bad times as they fight back tears from memories that are still all to real to ignore, but, you can also watch their face light up as they talk about childhood memories, the taste of fruits and vegetables you cannot find here, the sounds they miss...like heavy rain on a metal roof. At times I think, wow, I should write a book...but then i wonder, who would read it? Ok, I'm sure there's much more to write about but I am still at work and need to focus on tasks here.
With love, alissa

Isabel Allende

2006-08-17T15:00:00.000-04:00

"When I was younger I was always trying to stop the bad times from coming. I resisted the bad times. Now I'm totally relaxed, totally open to whatever comes, the bad or the good, because what I have discovered is that I'm perfectly able to take it. Whatever happens, I can take it."

"So it has been my karma, to lose everything and instead obtain things that I never aimed for."

....mambo!....

2006-08-11T22:01:00.000-04:00

....I can see and feel me dancing....in a studio with light wooden floors....dancing....the mambo in front of the spotless mirrors....i look good...i feel great...sweat dripping, heart racing.....my daughter hanging on to the edge of her playpen watching her mommy move to the heart racing rythym.........

Will it happen? I don't know....but the vision alone sure as hell feels good :)

http://www.sacred-texts.com/bud/tib/tibet.htm

2006-08-03T15:44:00.000-04:00

Excerpts from> Book: TIBETAN YOGA AND SECRET DOCTRINES Editor: W. Y. EVANS-WENTZ
http://www.sacred-texts.com/bud/tib/tibet.htm

'Not to be cheered by praise, Not to be grieved by blame, But to know thoroughly one's own virtues or powers Are the characteristics of an excellent man.'

Stanza 58 'A foolish man proclaimeth his qualifications; A wise man keepeth them secret within himself; A straw floateth on the surface of the water, But a precious gem placed upon it sinketh.'

Stanza 59 'It is only narrow-minded men that make such distinctions As "This is our friend, this our enemy"; A liberal-minded man showeth affection for all. For it is uncertain who may yet be of aid to one.'

Stanza 118 'Much talking is a source of danger; Silence is the means of avoiding misfortune: The talkative parrot is shut up in a cage; Other birds, which cannot talk, fly about freely.'

Stanza 134 'The greatest wealth consisteth in being charitable, And the greatest happiness in having tranquility of mind. Experience is the most beautiful adornment; And the best comrade is one that hath no desires.'

Stanza 173 'Men of little ability, too, By depending upon the great, may prosper; A drop of water is a little thing, But when will it dry away if united to a lake?'

(1) Weakness of faith combined with strength of intellectare apt to lead to the error of talkativeness.
(2) Strength of faith combined with weakness of intellectare apt to lead to the error of narrow-minded dogmatism.

ouchhhhhhhhhhh!

2006-07-22T20:30:00.000-04:00

Jeez. I swore I swore I swore I wouldn't give my baby girl any medicine but the pre-natal BUT once again I have too :( This time I have a really bad ear infection, and I finally couldn't stand the pain anymore this morning (mostly because I knew it was only going to get worse) and had to go to a clinic. SoOoOoOo now we're taking pennicillan and tylenol. Surprsingly the ear drops are Class C drugs (not safe for pregnancy) so we're hoping that the antibiotics alone do the trick. Well, even though it's not by my choosing, it looks like I will spend my saturday evening studying for the GRE. I guess I just need to accept the fact that certain parts of my life are pretty much history now. OK, i'm feeling sleepy again, but I need to do a few things before I meet Kristen up at Borders.
Love to all

To MY angel

2006-07-20T21:24:00.000-04:00

Not a cloud can be found in a piercing blue sky as I sit by an empty pool listening to the same song over and over. For years and years I've heard the song, and every time I hear it I stop in my tracks to listen. It has always pulled on me in a way that I have never really understood. For those who know me well, I've always believe that life can be lived through music. No matter what you are going through or feeling there is always a song that fits you at that moment...Even if it's only a few lines. Even when I'm not finding solace or inspiration in a recorded song my heart bleeds from my fingers onto a keyboard. Anyways, back to the song! It's an old song by ROBBIE WILLIAMS called "ANGEL". This song, as much as I always loved it, became monumental for me while traveling in Honduras and Guatemala because I always ALWAYS heard it on the radio. This song has literally followed me around the World. (That and Hotel California!) I will never forget one night in particular, in Copan Ruinas, Honduras in the beginning of September 2005. My mom had just left the country and I went to the local pool/discoteque/karaoke bar/pool hall (the "Activity Center") with my good friend Courtney from U of M and 2 guys from my language classes to play pool and have a few drinks on Courtney and the other guys last night in Copan. Around 11 pm or so we decided we absolutely had to go swimming. Soooo, in the pitch black we trudged uphill through one of the seedier parts of town to our respective homes to change clothes. After meeting back up, we confidently walked downhill in our bathing suits through the same seedy part of town back to the activity center. Once we got to the pool we hid our belongings in the bushes (very sneaky right?) and jumped into this perfect little pool. With the karaoke bar (and many of the towns people) in front of us we lived life to its fullest as a LOT of drunk people looked on. While we were swimming around and laughing "ANGEL" came over the loudspeaker and i stopped in the middle of the pool to listen, and to belt it out with the guy from my class. That moment was SO SO SO intense, so much bigger than myself that it's impossible for me to even explain it. I never wanted to leave that pool, that song, especially not that moment. Well, here I am nearly a year later, and my life is pretty damn far from where I imagined it would ever be. Everyone knows I firmly believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and lately I have forgotten to find comfort in that fact as I let my situation swallow me whole. There have been times when I think about where I could have been right now, of course, but I have NEVER felt bad about about how that aspect of my life has changed because I am determined to continue with those dreams someday, with my daughter by my side. This is why I get so upset with people who think it is appropriate to stop and take the time to tell me how disappointed in me they are. First off, I've never once been disappointed in what has happened. This pregnancy has brought be so much happiness, I truly consider her my miracle and I wouldn't take her back for ANYTHING. YES, OF COURSE, I am very angry and hurt about how things are working out with her daddy because I wanted a family for her, I want her to know him and love him like I did...like I do...soooo, she and a I will just have to take this one day at a time together. SECOND, My life is NOT over. Yes, I have managed to complicate the hell out of it, and this is NOT going to be easy, but some people don't seem to remember or realize how much I have already lived. I've done and seen so much, and most importantly I have seen people do exactly what I want to do WITH their children. Every step I make will be in her best interest. Remember my favorite quote "YOU must be the change you wish to see in the World"???? I have to start with my daughter. If I want her to be compassionate, to appreciate her life and life in general, and to make Positive changes in the World she has to do it by getting her hands dirty, NOT by watching it on TV or the internet!

So....back to that song...it is now for my daughter. She is my angel, my salvation and my life.

"...WHen I'm feeling weak and my pain walks down a one-way street, I look above and I know I'll always be blessed with love, and as the feeling grows she breathes flesh to my bones..."

I'm so bad

2006-07-16T11:06:00.000-04:00

It's been about 5 weeks since I've written :( You'd think that I would be on here everyday seeing how much I love to write but the truth is that when I'm depressed and distracted I get very disorganized and unmotivated. Which has been my life for about the last 6 weeks. The good news is that I am taking baby steps to reclaiming my life and putting it back together. If it weren't for my baby girl I don't think I would have even made it out of bed in the morning during this time, but I have to be strong for her and prove to her that life goes on no matter what happens.
As things begin to pick up for me again I would love to get on here and explain things and to write more and more and more. Lately I have been finding myself having flashbacks to moments in Guatemala and Honduras. The memories are so vivid and still bring me some sense of peace. I want to find a way to not only share these experiences with my daugther and to one day take her to these places. SOOOO, my priority right now is to start thinking of plans that could get us there..... Grad school? New Job? New Location? Time will tell......
WIth Love, Alissa

2006-06-10T11:09:00.000-04:00

Well, the doctor's believe that we are going to have a healthy baby girl! We'll see if they made a mistake in about 4 months. We went and picked out a couple dresses and a sweater for her (since it will be cool in October).

life

2006-06-10T10:51:00.000-04:00

I don't know why I am surprised that life is not taking shape the way I had been planned. I guess it's the fact that I had NOOOOOOOOOO idea until a week ago that something was wrong, and it is soooo wrong. I feel like i'm in the fight for my life, for the life that I planned for my child and I, but I don't even know if I should be fighting. I've been struggling so much that parts of my life have fallen to pieces and I let the emptiness take precedence over my child. I barely ate for days, i couldn't sleep, and all the stress landing me in the ER for the first time in years. I am actually sick and doing the one thing i SWORE i wouldn't while I was pregnant...I am taking medicine. I didn't want any type of outside chemicals in her little body while she's growing but I have been pushed to a point where it is now necessary. I am going to work on myself this weekend. Next week I start counseling to try and get some perspective. Anyways, no details, this one is going to stay personal until I am ready to talk about it. Right now i just need time to figure out what's going to happen.

new discoveries

2006-05-29T21:32:00.000-04:00

So, I had my first paid day off EVER today (I hope payroll remembers!). It's been a great weekend. Got some things done in the apartment, got a lot done at work on Sunday, spent time with my friends and family, had some alone time, read an ENTIRE book (Whoo hoo!!!!!!!!!!), did laundry, played UpWORDS with my conversation group, talked to the love of my life (who says he will be home wednesday!) and most importantly....i relaxed.

It has been good for me to be alone a little bit, but I am very ready for Pablo to come back home. I am looking forward to doing so many things together. Truth is though I am a little nervous. What if he doesn't like the apartment, all the stuff here, the cat, OR ME? It has been 3.4 months since we have seen each other, so I am going to be nervous for the first few days (weeks???). I'm just ready for us to build a home together. Most importantly I hope he and Marbles love each other! (Who by the way is currently curled up on my chest with her head nuzzled between my neck and shoulder....she's so perfect!)

Ok, I'm sleepy. I want to be lazy in bed for a little bit before I go to sleep.
Alissa

Pablo

2006-05-12T18:48:00.000-04:00

This is Pablo :) The lucky daddy to be!

Marbles

2006-05-12T18:41:00.000-04:00

This is my baby kitty MARBLES

A long day

2006-05-10T14:18:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm finally home after another 9.5 hour day at work, which is my average. My best week was 51 hours in 6 days. Some people are telling me to slow down but the truth is that I love my job. There are some times when people really stress me out but I enjoy it overall, which is why I end up there for so long. I don't even take lunch breaks really. Since I haven't mentioned it yet, I am working as a property manager of a 136-unit complex in Ann Arbor. I love it ecause it is a perfect mix of so many things: 1) I get to sit at a desk AND I get to spend a lot of time outside 2) I get to see and talk to a lot of the same really cool people AND i get to meet new ones daily 3) I have a LOT of responsibility...never ever a dull moment 4) I get to play detective, police officer, social worker and friend all in the same day 5) I get to plan events/parties and make rules 6) I get to speak and use spanish EVERY SINGLE DAY! 7) I'm the boss!
Of course there is a lot more to all of this but the bottom line is that I got very lucky with this job. And for all of those who don't know, how I came to get this job was just amazing. I had only been back in the states a week (not even, maybe 6 days) and had been looking for jobs when on friday I had this idea to see if the apartment complex where i used to live was hiring (why, i have nooooooooooo idea) and there was no listing so I called, and they said they weren't but that I could submit a resume just in case. Well, this is something that i have NEVER done, but a few hours later i said "What the Hell" and sent a resume. Within a matter of hours I received a call saying that a position had just come up and they were thinking about placing an add for it, and I was their dream candidate because I speak spanish. We arranged an interview for Monday and by Tuesday I was working full time! So, after 4 or 5 weeks of commuting from TROY (nearly 3 hours a day with traffic and construction) I moved in to a 2 bedroom apartment here (which was nice because I had the distinct advantage of handpicking my neighbors!!!!) and now every morning I wake up and take a relaxing 2 minutes or so to walk to my office, and if I'm hungry, forget something or need to visit my cat i just run home real quick....i love it :)

Ok, there's more but I'll have to write later because my kitten "marbles" likes to chase my hands and walk all over the keyboard!
aLISSA
PS: I think i'm starting to feel the baby moving! He/she is about 5 inches now ( a large onion!) I am so in LOVE :) Only 5 months to go till I finally meet my first child.

My life, my confession

2006-05-01T18:36:00.000-04:00

What events must take place in a person's life to change the desire, the uneding thirst for adventure, excitement and the occasional risk to shift a powerful need for family, security and stability? This is, without doubt, different for every individual. For me, the past two years of my life have been essential to my growth as, I Would like to think, a valuable meber of the World, of the Human Community; I moved out on my own, managed to work and mantain good grades, I traveled to Europe and Central America numerous times and South America once, I've explored the communities around as well as those far away, I've broken down at the sight of extrem poverty and literally walked on death in Lago de Atitlan after the mudslides...but, I have also been uplifted by the bottomless barrel of joy and positive spirit that some of the Worlds people have to offer. Personally, I graduated from the University with good grades and great memories, I have shown people the best and worst that I have to offer, I've pushed my own personal boundaries in public and in private, and have done the same in personal relationships. I have fallen for the worst of men and I have fallen in love with a man that still makes my heart race, mouth turn upwards and my stomach flip when he calls or enters a room...a man that is teaching me forgiveness, how to be a better person and how to be fragile once again.

Throughout my 23 years I have succeeded and I have failed, but I feel that I have come out on top because I can honestly say that I am happy and that I wouldn't change any of the past because every moment has worked to make me the person I am now, has created the life I currently have and is the backbone of my future. Of all the things I have learned, two stand out in my mind: ONE) I can never make every single person I encounter happy. Occasionally disappointing, hurting and/or pissing off others is inevitable. TWO) That all people are "inextricable intertwined" with no person or culture more important or deserving than another. ONE person really can make a difference and that compassion, patience and a desire to understand is key.

The lessons and experiences are uncountable, and with all that said, I would like to announce to officially announce to you all that I have embarked on a new journey. One that will be difficult but rewarding, drainging but full of excitement, heartbreaking but joyous... I have found my one event that has forever changed my focus... I am going to be a mother. I am due in October. I am overjoyed and I am terrified, however, every part of this feels right to me. I am not blind (ignorant???) to the many challenges that await us, but they are going to be the very things that will make my child, my family and I stronger and more efficient (dare I say "better") people. I have spent several months preparing for this child. I left for Chile as planned in order to see for myself what I would be leaving behind temporarily. No part of be is disappointed to be back in the United States. I am working full time at a job that I love, I have great medical care for my child (I will deliver at the University of Michigan Hospital through the Midwife Program), I have a new apartment that I love and a baby kitty to keep me entertained until my boyfriend returns from new orleans. Pablo, the very very happy father to be, calls every day to check on us and talk to my stomach.

I have kept this to myself for sometime because several people have reacted with less than enthusiasm. I can understand the disappointment because many were expecting me to do many different things right now. But my feelings are that since I am happy about this, that I have done everything in my power to quickly adjust in order to create a new life for my new family, that people should be happy for me. I have already done so many things with my life and I will keep doing them,...even though many must wait a little while. I am very driven to explore and make positive changes in this World, and with creativity and hard work I can still do this with my child.

Thank you for listening, and feel free to say congratulations and happy mother's day because I am going to be a mommy!!!!!!!!!

"Everything happens for a reason, and to accept this is to allow yourself happiness."

UPDATE

2006-04-30T22:10:00.000-04:00

IF you read the previous post, you will see that many changes have and are happening rather quickly. Some things have happened in the past few months that have scared me away from writing like I would like to, but in a very short time this will all change as my blog will soon take on a whole new spin. I love to write, and I need to write. I will no longer be afraid to do so. I look forward to having many people read my words again soon. WIth love, Alissa.

preoccupaciones del futuro / worries of the future

2006-04-30T21:47:00.000-04:00

The past few nights I have cried myself to sleep. Crying for all the unknown things that lie ahead in my life. Most of my concerns have to do with the feelings of control lost over the past few months. These feelings come and go as things change, which is constant of course, the changes. Many of you know, many don't. In a very short time I will share all with the World. I guess more than anything I seem to swell with this overwhelming fear while I lay in bed each night thinking and worrying about many of the possible twists and turns my life may take in the upcoming months and years. I worry, I panic, I cry and eventually I fall asleep. I know this all sounds rather depressing and dramatic, and trust me it does feel that way for a few minutes each day but I finally reazlied while i was driving the other day that I have to put a stop to most of these feelings...afterall, hasn't everything worked out positively up to now????? Hasn't every piece of my life, especially the unexpected ones, worked out so well that I've had some absolutely incredible experiences and accomplished a lot? The bottom line is that very few things in life work out as they are planned, hell, most things just come out of nowhere and smack you upside the head, and this has all worked out well. Even the things that hurt me most eventually passed. All this led me over the years to firmly believe that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, and that everything will basically happen as it is supposed to if you welcome and work with the pieces you come across (what they call "omens" in the book the "Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho). SOOOOO why should I fear the future? I'm not saying that everything will be perfect, struggle or pain free, but I can't force the future, I can merely follow and take part in the present. I'm not saying that I'm not going to plan or work FOR the future because that is the smartest thing to do, but the most realistic things is to be flexible with the future, so that you don't get crushed by all those unexpected things that come your way. So, I'm not saying that I won't cry again, afterall I still am lonely, but I'm not going to panic about all the thousands of things that COULD happen in the future, because I know that everything can change in a second and just because some doors close doesn't mean that all of them do, or that new ones won't open. This comforts me. I only hope that it helps comfort the people outside of myself who are affected by my decisions.

Excitement

2006-04-02T14:37:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been in Santiago, Chile for 5 days now, and already managed to miss my first earthquake/tremor. How sad am I?!? At about 4 pm today a pretty significant tremor shook the city for about 15 seconds (the second in a week) and I totally misssed it. I NEVER FELT A THING. I am REALLY disappointed. However, don't feel bad for me just yet, not only are these things fairly common but with recent evidence and past history, the Chileans believe that this may be the year of their next truly significant and devastating quake. As much as I want to experience one of mother natures greates displays of her power, I don't know that I'm ready to experience one where the Earth literally opens up and swallows everything around it. OR am I really ready or looking forward to the Tsunami that could possibly follow, and seeing as I am due to be living very very near to the ocean....this could be a very very bad thing!

OK, enough of natural disasters. The first four days were exhausting and I spent most of Sunday (Our ONLY free day) resting, doing some casual walking on streets that today felt very much like Barcelona with the rows of street vendors and antique booths and street performers, eating ice cream ( a chilean favorite), reading a much deserved book and listening to music. Each day of orientation is about 12-13 hours long Monday - Saturday including plenty of walking and hardly any interesting or nutritous food. I have managed to opt out of every late night group outing (ok, i'm not the ONLY one) because I am completely drained by the time we finish our late dinner and daily wrap up. So I usually do a little chatting on the phone with my boyfriend, write a few e-mails and some reading then around 11 pm I crawl into bed and pass out. I could go out, but I don't see how staying out till 2 or 3 am will make waking up at 6 or 7 the next day and doing another grueling 12-13 hours of orientation could make my life any easier....

Speaking of, it's looking beautiful outside so i think i will do some more of that casual walking with my favorite music.

dead tired

2006-03-30T20:43:00.000-05:00

it's official. today i am thoroughly exhausted. the only reason i am writing at this moment is because i am too tired to stand up and move anywhere else. Today was such a beautiful day, and yet I still managed to run in to a handful of the most unpleasant and/or unhelpful people all day. Not to mention people who think that being rude and bitchy is actually a good way to go about asking for FAVORS from you. ANyways, i'm still alive even if I don't feel like it.
ME

2006-03-26T13:25:00.000-05:00

Pretty blue sky and the Andes Mountains in the background

2006-03-26T13:19:00.000-05:00

A beautiful sight in a place where unimaginable atrocities were committed daily. Located on the site of one of Pinochet's Torture Camps (Villa Grimaldi) run between the 70's.

Lazy Me

2006-03-26T13:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, as you have noticed (if you have been reading, or should i say TRYING to read this thing) I have been a bit negligent on updates. There are some things that I have written that I promise I will put up very soon. I am trying hard to adjust to my new schedule and I am usually asleep between 8 pm and 10 pm every night (even friday and saturday night!!!). If you've been hanging in there (thanks Uncle Marc!!!!) then I thank you for the patience :)
Write soon
** Alissa **

I Want....

2006-02-01T00:28:00.000-05:00

I want to write....I want to make the world a better place and the people happier and healthier..... I want to live a life without regrets.....

How the hell do I do it?

A Leftist Female for President

2006-01-17T14:12:00.000-05:00

Chile elects first female leader
Former political prisoner's victory adds to continent's shift to left

Sunday, January 15, 2006; Posted: 10:43 p.m. EST (03:43 GMT)

SANTIAGO, Chile (CNN) -- Chilean voters have elected their first female president, one-time political prisoner and socialist Michelle Bachelet.
Bachelet, who has also been a doctor and serves as defense minister for the outgoing government of President Ricardo Lagos, defeated billionaire businessman Sebastian Pinera in a runoff Sunday.
With more than 99 percent of precincts reporting, she had 53.5 percent of the vote to Pinera's 46.5 percent.
"I want our government to be remembered as the government by everyone and for everyone," she said.
Airline and broadcasting tycoon Pinera conceded defeat as results showed Bachelet with a solid lead and he thanked Bachelet for "her triumph today."
But the man who studied economics at Harvard vowed the fight would go on.
"We will continue to be a firm and constructive opposition."
Bachelet spent five years in exile following the 1973 coup that bought Gen. Augusto Pinochet to power.
Her father, an air force general, was tortured and killed after the U.S.-backed coup, and Bachelet herself was tortured before being sent into exile in Australia.
"What I want, and have and will always work for, is to build a society in which what happened to me and so many Chileans can never be repeated," she said in a December campaign appearance.
Bachelet completed her training as a pediatrician in East Germany and served as health minister in Chile's center-left government before becoming defense minister.
The new president is an agnostic single mother in a male-dominated, overwhelmingly Catholic society where divorce was legalized less than a year ago.
"To have a woman president shows that we are a freer, more just, more diverse, more prosperous and more modern Chile," Lagos said.
In Washington, the White House congratulated Bachelet and praised Chilean voters "for their strong commitment to democracy."
"We have an excellent, long-standing relationship with Chile and look forward to working with the new president and her team," White House spokesman David Almacy said.
Bachelet's victory adds to a leftward shift in Latin American politics.
Leftists hold presidential power in Argentina, Brazil, Uruguay and Venezuela.
Bolivian President-elect Evo Morales -- a former coca farmer and union leader who promises to nationalize the country's natural gas industry -- is slated to take office January 22. (Full story)
Bachelet is scheduled to take office March 11.

I Agree

2006-01-10T12:33:00.000-05:00

"Every person has to seek in their own way to make their own self more noble and to realize their own true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. Even if it's a little thing, do something for those who have need of help, something for which you get no pay but the privilege of doing it. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers and sisters are here too." --Albert Schweitzer

Quote

2006-01-10T12:31:00.000-05:00

Quote
"It is one thing to talk abstractly about human goodness and ourpotential to be kind, but it's quite another to come into directcontact with hundreds of real stories of real people exercising theirpower to heal, to help each other, to make a difference."--Caroline Myss

The Prophet

2006-01-10T12:27:00.000-05:00

The Prophet
Alissa X
April 14, 2005
Psych & Consciousness Journal: The Prophet
... And then a woman spoke, saying , Tell us of Love and Letting Go. And he said: It is often said that love, whether it be between friends, lovers or family, can move mountains, but love, great love can also drag you to your knees. It can at times be the most painful experience of your existence, often when it comes time to say goodbye and walk-away; willfully or not, for a short time or forever. I must tell you that it may be painful but valuable nonetheless to understand that not every person we meet and fall-in love with was meant to be in our lives forever, some were only meant to be around for a short time. Take this to heart and remember that when the separation is to be permanent you must move on and try not to think about what might have been; that was then and this, this is now; do not carry the burdens and pains of the past. And it should be known, that when leaving is for only a matter of time, remember that a great and true love never dies, it may like the butterfly change its forms, but it never escapes you. So, when you are apart, hold it near and dear to your heart, let it make you smile and laugh like a child without a care in the World when you are alone, but under no circumstances ever let it go. Even when the separation is because of death, let the love and happy moments carry you through the darker ones, and know that you do not have to continue hearing “I love you” to know that you were and are loved, because love is more than words, its something you already know.

Daily Dose of Motivation

2006-01-10T12:25:00.000-05:00

You are, this moment, where you need to be. Take the opportunity to live it with passion and purpose. There is no reason to keep pushing the best of life out of your reach, saving it for another time, another place, or another set of circumstances. Now is the time, this is the place to fill with goodness and richness, with beauty and love. There is no need to wait or to hope for things to get better. For you can be your very best no matter what else may be happening around you. There is nothing to be gained by wishing that the past had been different. Instead, put your energy into living and fulfilling the best of the countless possibilities that are now in front of you. The value, the goodness, the love and effort you give to this moment will come back to you many times over. Now is the time to invest yourself in positive, productive thoughts and actions. Stop making excuses and start being the best you can imagine. Stop waiting and start to truly and fully live.
-- Ralph Marston

Update 2

2005-12-27T21:47:00.000-05:00

Well All, It's a little after Christmas and a bit before New Years, so I hope that all is going well for each and every one of you. I know things have been very busy on my end, and I expect that things are the same for you as well! It's been quite some time since I've written so I wanted to send the latest news as well as my best wishes for the Holidays.

I found out last week that I will be leaving February 14, 2006 for Santiago Chile. Yes, Valentine's Day. My first few weeks will be in Santiago, but the remaining 10 months are still a mystery. My current contract states that I will be teaching FIVE classes and running one or two extra-curricular clubs. I have to start thinking of what clubs I would like to start so i WELCOME ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS!!! I am currently working on my visa application that is due Jan 10th and reading my welcome and orientation guides. While biding my time I am working about 30 hours a week at Ulrich's, one of U of M's campus bookstores. ...I know there are some of you that are biting your fingernails worried that I may change my mind here at the last minute (about leaving) but I reassure you that I am very VERY excited about this and have every intention on leaving. I will be a challenging experience, but I am ready for it and excited for the doors this will open for me afterwards.

Well, that should be enough for right now. And just a reminder that life is short and the unexpected is always lurking in the shadows, and whether it be good or bad you have to embrace it with open arms in order to continue moving forward. I send my love to you all.
Alissa
"Every journey has a secret destination of which the traveler is unaware."
Martin Buber

Update

2005-11-23T08:55:00.000-05:00

Hello to all,

-- It's been some time since I've written you all (or updated the blog) but not much of interest has happened and technically I'm on break from my adventures, but I thought I would bring everyone up to speed: As most of you know, I returned home the very beginning of November from Copan, Honduras (and those few exciting trips to Guatemala! From which my ankle STILL hurts). I spent some time with family and a few close friends and bounced around between doctors appointments and various errands. I also spent quite a bit of time sleeping and working to readjust to home which was a little more difficult than I expected...as my grandmother said "Does that mean you'll consider not going away again?" to which my response was, "Noooo, I'll just consider not coming back next time!" Anyways, I really apologize to everyone I intended to call and visit with but did not in the first 2.5 weeks back.
-- As I type, I am currently sitting in a library in Germany. I left on the 17th to visit with my mom for the last time. Thus far, I have gone to Brugge, Belgium in order to sight-see and meet my dads side of the family that lives only minutes away. I must say that this was an extraordinary experience, not only are they all beautiful people (inside AND OUT) but they are just absolutely amazing, and their generosity and hospitality goes beyond any words I have at this moment so I'll have to settle for a less profound: They were awesome! I will be leaving tomorrow, the 24th, for 3-4 days in Spain and will return to Michigan the 29th of November. Upon my return I hope to settle into somewhat of a normal life again until my departure.
-- Well, my departure is actually my biggest news. Although I will still be working with WorldTeach, I have switched programs and will no longer be going to Costa Rica in January, but rather CHILE IN FEBRUARY. I felt much happier and more excited over the prospects of this program and feel that I will have an even better experience. In chile, I will live in one of 4 cities (either Santiago, Concepcion, Vina del Mar, or Valparaiso) while working at a "community college" as an english teacer with older students and adults. This trip will indeed take me further than I have ever been before, and to a place where I know nothing of it or it's surroundings, but I'm rather looking forward to it and the mediterranean climate it promises! I will send more details as i get them.

Ok, I better stop taking up your time, especially since tomorrow is thanksgiving day (also my 23rd birthday!!!!). I will get in contact with everyone I promised to when I get back!
Alissa

Photos

2005-11-03T20:36:00.000-05:00

Well Well, guess what I got around to doing...I POSTED THE PHOTOS!!!!!!!!!! OK, so you'll notice that i didn't exactly do a good job of taking photos...BUT there's alot of reasons for that...my camera wouldn't work in Antigua, I hated feeling like a tourist, and sometimes i was just plain chicken-s*** and didn't like the idea of carrying expensive stuff with me SOOOOOOOOOO TO that end, there's not much there, and i kinda regret it because I saw some AMAZING things...so enough babbling...go here:
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/umichgirl124/album?.dir=/c97a

The Micah Project

2005-11-01T13:23:00.000-05:00

Was just sent these links today, and think that they should be checked out by all in order to remind yourself or to discover something new about some of the things that really go on in the World...
http://www.micahcentral.org/dumplife.htm
http://www.micahcentral.org/dumpintro.htm
http://www.micahcentral.org/dumpministry.htm

Not sure

2005-10-26T14:29:00.000-04:00

Guess I really don´t have too much to say right now, but I thought It would be worth sharing a few things I have seen in my time here, some of the things that aren´t all fun and whimsical...

In my time here (as in times before) I have seen houses built of nothing more than mud and sticks, bursting at the seems with naked to barely clothed and shoeless children. Children with bloated bellys and dirty faces. Children that look at you with the biggest and saddest eyes as you stroll by on your leisurly and pleasant walk. It´s truly haunting and enough to make you want to stay and help. Or return and help....I don´t think I will ever be done with this country I have come to love so dearly. It was my first taste of the real world, outside of my own, and I will always be greatful for its help in opening my eyes and my heart.

In my time here, I have seen countless men passed out in various places throughout the cities I have visited... in front of homes, on park benches, on street corners, on the floors of bars and pool halls. The time of day is not important, they lay down to rest their drunken bodies at noon, at 3 pm, at 9pm and at 4 am, for the bars and liquor never truly stops flowing, and in places where some people have little hope and little money, alcohol seems to be their only saving grace. Some of these men are drunk every time you see them, others are friendly and normal enough the next time you see them...before they make it to the bars. While I didn´t share this with you all earlier, I had the less than pleasat experience of being chased home by one of these drunkards the other night. Luckily his intention was not to hurt me but nearly to make a new friend. And hopefully you have all realized that I do have some commen sense and returned safely home after about 20 minutes of trying to shake this guy so that he did not know where I live. (The last thing I wanted was some old man banging on my family´s door at that time of the morning and screaming obscenities). Anyways, I often wonder if hope and money would change the situation. Of course, not for everyone, but I do believe that if there were more productive activities available these communites would suffer less from the barbarisms of alcoholism and addiction.

In my time here I have seen women treated as nothing more than objects and entertainment. Of course, I have experienced this first hand. There is a large population of men that whistle, cat call, kiss, and make other obscenties as a woman passes by, minding her own attention. Fighting for respect is futile as it only escalates the behavior and could quite possibly lead to problems. The town is run by men, women are just the inhabitants. Of course, I can´t make this a blanket statement, as there are many woman that demand respect here and not ALL of the men act in this atrocious manner. But the fact remains that this is a man´s place. Local women (RESPECTABLE women as they would tell you) DO NOT go into the bars, into the pool halls, do not smoke, do not drink, do not swear, do not show their bodys, do not stare at men (some say they should avoid eye contact all together) do not go out late, do not do much of anything outside of the home..... WHILE some of course will say that this is not a bad way to live, as it of course is healthier for the mind and body, its the hyppocrisy of it that is angering, and the right to be able to do such things if one desires that is important.

Well, i could of course go on forever, but who wants to read all of my rants and raves for an eternity. Maybe one day I´ll have more time to process what has happened in these last two months and could tell you more. Of course, if theres anything particular you want to know...ASK!!!!!! Alissa

Una Noche en Los Tangos

2005-10-22T21:37:00.000-04:00

Been awhile since I wrote so I guess I´ll fill a bunch of space with the last few nights adventures.... Let´s see...
Over the past 2 days my plans are constantly changing. In lieu of returning to Guatemala, I decided to stay In Honduras and do a bunch of litte things that I have been wanting to do. The first 3 things on my list were: to make it to La Entrada, Santa Rita and Santa Rosa. The first 2 are taken care of! Friday at 7 am I was packed and ready to go to Santa Rosa with my friend Emily. However, due to problems with the ATM, i was a little short of money. Emily (after A LOT of coaxing) convinced me to hop some local buses with her in order to go to the Aldea of Los Tangos a few hours from here to meet her "family" in the mountains. I decided to go. We first took a bus to Santa Rita so I could at least see a part of it and be able to say I went. Eventually I would like to return, 1 because its different 2 because its a bit cheaper (no tourists). From here we bussed it over to La Entrada, walked around a bit and had lunch before taking another van to the community. After eating fried chicken and a potato salad with plenty of eggs and mayonaise I prayed that my stomach would not revolt as I had NO medicine with me. After eating and taking the next van We walked a bit down the highway where I met her friend Tito then walked up hill to play some pool (a very different but fun version). This was crazy because I´m not sure that many of the people in this male-only place (with exception of the shop owners wife) had ever seen a live gringa before, so needless to say there was a LOT of staring and whispering. To my surprise (AND Excitement I actually won a couple of the games!!! To their surpise too I imagine). Had a drink or two, played about 8 games then walked back to Tito´s family´s house and talked. From here we were supposed to meet Emily´s family then return to Copan, BUT it was too late and no more buses for the day so we decided that wé´d have to spend the night and left to meet the Fam. We took a pretty long walk up into the mountains were we recieved a lot more staring. I met her grandmother, some aunts, cousins and nephews, played more pool (where at least 10 people crammed into the small room to watch and talk). We talked to her Aunt, and she showed me the room i would be staying in (cool room, the wall paper is just endless pages from Avon Magazines). Thakfully the room was clean and the bed was big with fresh sheets. When we first arrived at her grandmothers I had to go to the bathroom, and i´ve never been so scared in my life. (not true, but I like to exaggerate!)..... You have to understand that the aldea´s aren´t like the bigger areas, and indoor bathrooms with electricity and flushing capabilities do NOT exist... I had to stumble in the dark to a small shack and was not able to see ANYTHING i was so scared that some horrible and disgustingly creepy thing would crawl on me at any moment...in fact I had flashbacks to when I was little and living in Oklahoma when one day while at the pool a spider crawled outta the toilet I was using and bit me.... SO needless to say i hurried! After getting hungry I had to walk quite a ways back DOWN the mountain in order to have some woman make me some MORE fried chicken with fried plantains and cole slaw....AGAIN i prayed again and again for my stomach to PLEASEEEEE bear with me just for one day. When we got back to his Aunts around 11pm or so, i decided i should try to use the bathroom again because i did not want to have to try and find in alone in the dark later...let me tell you that i have NEVER been so happy in my life to see tissue and old napkins in my purse because there was NO paper in this outdoor toilet shack. Finally got to crawl into bed and rest and to my delight did not have to get out of bed once. IN THE MORNIng, i was woken up to drink some fresh squeezed and picked orange juice then walked over to the grammas house to eat some of the best Beans i have EVER HAD. Picked some cacao plants and sucked on the sweet slimy seeds and watched the chickens run back and forth. After leaving around 830 am we walked back to Titos house where i sat on the side of the highway and talked with his sister and uncle a bit before heading back to Copan. We arrived back in Copan around 2pm and I have never been so grateful for the universe working in my favor before....i´m telling you everything worked out SOOOOOO well, considering what could have happened (and i´m mostly talking about the food and my stomach!). The first 3 things i did back home, in order, were SHOWER, EAT, SLEEP. I was exhausted!

Welllll, after sleeping I woke up and got myself all purty because it was my LAST saturday and Copan and I was determined to have fun. I´ll just tell you that I definately accomplished that and will talk about parts of the evening. First I stopped in at one of the local Cantinas with a friend. The bartender is a really cool woman and she takes care of me in this guy only place! From here I left my friend and went alone to TUNKUL which was PACKED!!! With the conference in town, the place was bustling and full of energy. I looked around hoping to find someone i knew and heard someone call my name. It was Deborah (a teacher here and UofM grad) and she bought me a drink. I sat and talked to the people at the table at met lots of cool people, some speaking english others spanish. I left from that table to talk with the Mayatan School director and her husband then went on to talk to the guys I had met a few days before from Ireland and Pennsylvania and they bought me a drink. After watching them dance (which was hilarious) I went up to the bar and talked to a guy from Canada (originally poland) while I ordered a drink. While talking to him Juan Gabriel arrived and i promptly gave him the last half of my drink since I was starting to feel a bit funny. I ended up walking with him and a really sweet girl from England (the director of another bilingual school nearby) and one of the mayantan teachers to LAS PISCINAS. Once there Juan started bringing me glass after glass of water (Thanks!!!) and I wandered around and mingled with people there. I was browing Karaoke songs with The director, her husband and another teacher Matt, then went on to meet more people. Ended up dancing with some older guy in the club ( a very good Merengue dancer) then wandering outside awhile and talking to more people. At one point, i was ready to go (since the place was closing) when I got grabbed by the girl that used to work in my familys restaurant and they bought me a bottle of water...My new small grouped talked and then eventually walked when we were thrown out of the complex (it was about 4 am). I ended up back home around 6am and after a few minutes of hugging the toilet around 7am I finally slept until 2 pm. Of course, a few details have been dropped from this story so if you want to know more, just ask....i don´t have forever to write!

When I finally rolled out of bed, I decided to go eat lunch, and after I went with my mom and sister to a birthday party where i was forced to eat more! After here we walked home, I slept another hour then went to a Goodbye party (IN MY HONOR!!!!) at Emory and Linda´s house (where the last party was with the great roof view). It was great, with spaghetti and garlic bread and about 10 people (mostly students from the advanced english group). I stayed here till 1130 pm then walked home with a small group. While walking home I was invited to the bar but decided that I should just go home and sleep. I kind of regret not going, just because i missed out on new experiences. But sometimes, its just better to rest...right? Today I walked the few kilometers uphill to Mayatan in order to say goodbye to Jose Raul and leave books in the library. Jose kept asking my why i wasn´t coming back and that he´d miss me and gave me a card he made :( Talk about pullin on the old heartstrings!!!! Well, got lots to do and i´m a few minutes over my time.
More later
ALISSA

Guatemalan Adventure - Part TWO

2005-10-18T12:42:00.000-04:00

SAFE AND SOUND
Well, I´m back in Copan after a very very crazy and long 73 hours. To finish where I left off... I left from the computer place in San Pedro Atitlan, Guatemala and hobbled back to my hotel (4 dollars) and passed out. When i woke up the next morning at 6 my ankle was a bit worse but my bug bite (forgot to tell you, got stung by some black thing and swelled up my wrist a bit) was completely healed. By 7am emily and I were on a boat headed to Santiago Atitlan. He we climed some massive hills, ate breakfast and talked to some international volunteers (OXFAM and SAVE THE CHILDREN, DOCTORS WITHOUT BORDERS, and some others I don´t remember) we talked to everyone we could, locals and foreign in order to gage where best the money the school was raising would be best used. After an hour or so we walked several kilometers up hill to see one of the disaster sites....................... I´m not even sure what is best to say here. At first, i thought i was seeing the aftermath of a volcanic eruption, because all the mud and flatted ground was white. After wandering speechless for several moments, I saw to gringos...a man with a video camera and tripod, and a woman with a cell phone...the ONLY 2 other people there. They informed me that the white powder was LIME, and its used to try and neutralize the acid of all things decomposing beneath our feet. Turns out that the couple works for BBC and NPR and were there to shoot a short report about the devastation. They warned us about several things and told us all that they knew. After sliding around a bit in the mud and lime I decided it was best to change out of my sandals and into some good socks and tennis shoes....my best decision ever, because not even 2 minutes after i did that i sunk into a mud trap. One foot was completely swallowed up to my ankle. From here emily and I decided that we were not going to try walking up that hill any further. We went to the other side, following the couple and were very disheartended my all that we saw. It´s hard to imagine the real extent of dmage since I had never been there before, but after seeing what used ot be a school (now full of mud) and the basketball court, we realized just how much mud there was....it went all the way up to the RIM of the basketball hoops, and some houses had it up to the roof. It is safe to say that we were walking ON TOP of what used to be a lively village. One importnatn thing i should mention I guess is the smell.....Emily and I kept wondering why we kept smelling a sour maneur (i know I spelled that wrong....mah new er) smell, we aked the woman and she says ¨yeah, that...that would be the smell of decaying bodies beneath your feet) :(

The smell was awful. And in some places it was very overpowering...I wanted to cry and at times I was frozen still because I just knew that I was probably on top of somebody or something and they never had a chance. We didn´t wander for long. Some old man was trying to undig his bus some ways up the hill and I wanted to help, just to show him that someone cared, but emily could not take the site anymore. It´s sad, because even after undigging his bus, there was no way it would go any where...the ground was still very mushy and unsafe in places. Like quicksand. While we were walking out 4 puppies, about 1-2 months I would think were swarming the couple...obviously happy to see people again...and probably very hungry. We said our goodbyes, and talked a bit with the 3 police officers approaching. Once back in the city we found a church-shelter that we decided would be the best place for the money and donations. There our hundreds of people without homes now, and are living on the floors of houses and churches...they say many could be there for 6mos to a year.

We boarded a bus from here and went straight to Guatemala City. Our plan was to go to Antigua, where its safer but after taking a taxi to a very exciting area, we decided to walk around a bit and price hotels. We found one right across the street for 4 bucks each, sharing a bed. The place was clean and well kept and had a guard. We wandered the streets for awhile, admiring the amazing markets and stores then had some dinner. Knowing that we didn´t want to go far too late (seeing as the city is so dangerous) we ended up at a restuarant-dance club two doors down from our hotel.. WE TRIED to stay in the hotel, but it was only EIGHT PM and we could hear all the excitement....there was no way we were going to sit in the hotel and feel sorry for ourselves. The place was great, the lady let us in for free, and upstairs was a dancefloor, live MArimba band and DJ and a bunch of older people. We ordered a pepsi and watched. I think the lady loved us though, cuz she kept bringing up snacks and water for free. SHE EVEN BROUGHT ME THE DJ........ohhh my lord was he ever gorgeous. We talked for awhile, i momentarily fell in love, and then he asked me to dance, but i chickened out and then he had to get back to work. So i admired him from afar the rest of the night as I danced with merengue and Punta with some guy my age. After here,at about 10pm we sat across the street and talked to 2 guys for a few minutes then walked into the hotel and talked awhile. At 6 am we woke up (since the guy told us we HAD to be OUT of our rooms by 7am...thats how we got the good price...we didn´t ask why). We walked to our next bus and went to Chiquimula, Guatemala. The city was SOOOO cool that we decided to wander for an hour or so before we got on the van for Jocatan, Guatemala. The van was sooo packed. From here we took another packed van to The border, paid our dues than hopped our last van back to Copan.

All that in 73 hours and about 80 bucks.

Out of time,
miss you all!
Alissa

Guatemalan Adventure - Part ONE

2005-10-18T12:38:00.000-04:00

A BIT DAMAGED, BUT JUST DANDY
Well hello to all,

After an absolutely insane 28 hours or so, i am currently sitting in San Pedro, Lago Atitlan Guatemala. I am very tired, a little sore, and a bit injured (oh don't freak out!!!!). I kinda fell of a curb last night in antigua after my left foot stuck itself in a crack as I was trying to step off a curb, but unfortunately it didn't move with the rest of my body so i now only fell, but i fell and extra 6 inches or so OFF the curb, twisted my ankle and my left arm bore a large portion of the fall. A little stiff and swollen today, but totally ok, things are too crazy to slow down for....SOOOOO, with only 90 minutes notice yesterday i left copan with 3 other teachers for Antiga Guatemala at 2pm. By 8pm we were in Antigua and found a hotel for 2Bucks each!!! It was clean big and had a GREAT view of the volcano. At 8 am the librarian, emily, and I hopped a local chicken bus for some city *choltomeca, or something like that* and from there we hopped a NOTHER chicken bus for Panajachel, Lago Atitlan. This bus was SOOOO packed i only had one cheek on the seat! However, problem is that there was a road block, police said noone could pass....SOOOO we got off the bus and wandered the line of cars too see if that was true, and then the bus left.... we ended up walking a bit to talk to the police and while doing so a very large bus driver was arguing with him and ended up gettin permission to pass through the road block...sooo we boarded this and it was SOOOO packed that i had to stand at the front next to the open door with 2 other guys and hang on for dear life every time he sped around a corner....after one stop i was able to sit on a bucket next the driver and the open door, but at least i was a bit safer *it was SOOOO exciting! and scary though*....from here we hit ANOTHER block an this time NOOONE was oing through, they said we'd have to walk if we wantd to get anywhere, so we did.....we walked with some preists that we met, for about 3 or more kilometers and found out why there was a block...well, L and G, there was no more road, it kinda washed off the mountain and we had to trudge through the mud on the side in order to get around the ENOURMOUS hole...once we got uphill we bartered for a truck and got to STAND in back with about 10 others to the next city...los encuentros. WHAT AN INCREDIBLE VEIW the WHOLE WAY... from HERE we boarded another bus to the city outside of panajachel (it may have been solola(. Once here we found another truck *a very VERY small toyota* with TWENTY , i kid you not, other people. I almost fell out the back (where i was sitting ) and made some woman scream, after i got a grip on the railing i was practically gropin the guy next to me....THEN the old guys taught me how to ride and be safer. Once we reached another block we walked about 3kilometers down hill to panajachel. After a GREAT lunch, we walked around then bartered fro a boat to get to san pedro, after an hour or more we arrived and walked up hill and now i'm sitting here....tomorrow we go to santiago, lago atitlan and then god knows where from there...we haven't figured out how we're getting home yet....soooo I'll update you when i can...got to get going the place is closing.

With love,
and i PROMISE I'm ok
alssa

Central America

2005-10-12T15:15:00.000-04:00

I'm sure I could have posted this in my journal instead of bother you all, but I figured this was worth sharing. As you know, I have been here in Central America or a little more than 5 weeks now. Within the past few weeks, there has been a massive hurricane/Tropical Storm (Stan), and EArthquake and a series of very deadly mudslides. The hardest hit areas have been in the southern part of Mexico Chiapas), Guatemala, and El Salvador...with damage also being done throughout the rest of Central America, Including my beloved Honduras. While I have been fortunate here in Copán and have experienced nothing more than some massive quantities of rain, others have not even come close to being as lucky. Around Lago Atitlan, where I was planning my next trip, entire villages (mostly indigenous) have been washed off the mountiain, quickly turning themselves in to Mass graves. Roads have been washed out making any type of relief effort very difficult if not imposssible... RELIEF EFFORT, that's what saddens me... I have access to CNN, Internet, CNN ESPAñOL and other channels, and I have been bombarded with stories of Pakistan, The UStates and other matters. Please, I am not saying that those are not significant world events, but I am saying that I have seen little to no mention of Central America. How the hell did we manage to not make the news?! Where is the relief effort and pledges from President Bush and other nations to help the people that are quickly losing hope and life HERE?! Where's OUR millions of dollars? And don't think the people here don't
realize that they have somehow made it onto the backburner...if they are even there anymore. While you cannot believe every news story, there have been local reports that the damage done and amount of lives lost recently is greater than that done in 1998 during Hurrican Mitch....Remember Mitch...that's the reason that I first came down here in 2004 and 2005, to continue efforts to rebuild from a storm that hit SIX AND SEVEN YEARS EARLIER. So much has happened in the past few months, so many natural disasters, and so many lives lost..... the question is, who has a greater ability to recooperate and make a strong effort to rebuild...and how quickly? I have a hunch that it may be a very long time before the people here will be able to rebuild.
On that note, I thought I would mention that I will try to go to Guatemala tomorrow, friday or saturday. I still have some people to talk to first and am waiting for the librarian here to make up her mind (She used to live out on Lago Atitlan). I have intentions to go to Antigua within the next few days and then hop a bus the next day, if possible, to go to Lago Atitlan to help where and however I can. Of course, this is all dependent on traveling conditions and whether or not a bus is able to go there.
Wish me luck, and please keep the people of Central America in you thoughts as
well as those suffering in other parts of the World.
Alissa

RAIN

2005-10-09T13:43:00.000-04:00

Rain, rain and more rain. Thankfully there is none this far today, but it was pretty bad the past 2 days, so much so that all the water turned brown in the city last night, so not only did i have a COLD shower, but a BROWN one as well. Of course now i don´t have ANY water so......WHAT FUN! Well, it would seem as though I have just made plans to leave the country for a week or so. Of course, I have this guilty feeling looming over my head about leaving the school and my student, but this is a great opportunity and I only have limited time to do it. It looks like I will be going to the magical LAGO ATITLAN, GUATEMALA for at least a week with a really cool chick from Denmark.....HmMMMMMM, just got an email from me MOM reminding me about the unfortunate (that´s the nicest word I can put here) weather they´re having in Central America, outside of copan. I guess I should look into that more before I book myself a one way trip into a mudslide! ANYWAYS, I went to the bar last night ( afew) for the first time in awhile and had a great time. Went with my friend Juán and stopped into the bar Tunkul and met the owner-bartender and I think he really likes me. He said my spanish was really good and couldn´t believe that I hadn´t lived in a spanish country for some time. My only response was ¨Thanks! Wait until I get a few more drinks in me though...and my spanish will be GREAT!!!!¨ He laughed.... So the 3 from MI stopped in at the bar while I was there with my new friends and we all talked a little. Got to know the bartender so well that he started giving me free drinks and water and he put on BLUES for me (BB KING and the Like) since I said I liked it. And then we cleared a few tables and danced a couple merengue songs in the middle of the restaurant while people looked and cheered on. It was a LOT of fun. I also found out that I have NOT been drinking ¨HONDURAN VODKA¨as ´some had been telling me (the vodka that I said tasted VERY VERY STRANGE) turns out its GUADO the national liquor that I´d heard so many horror stories about (only about how god awful and strong it is, which i agree, but i´ts not as bad as it was before). After that we walked to a Local Cantina (yup, i was the only woman around) but we were only there for a few minutes then we went to VIA VIA where I spent my time talking to one of the other Mayatan teachers (Former U of M girl) and the 3 Peace Corps people. Then off to bed. Not much else is new, I am going to a Birthday party today at 4 pm for some of the parties. It should be fun and I´m taking a friend, so I hope they don´t mind! Well, I need to get to the bank eventually . I am BROKE. Got about 20 lempiras left to my name and thats only a little more than 2 dollars.
Talk again soon
Alissa

Hello

2005-10-08T13:15:00.000-04:00

Well, don´t have much time to update now, ran out of time answering emails (WHICH I LOVE GETTING! THANKS!) so i´ll just let you know that I´m doing great, got to spend some time at the pool reading yesterday, and I have started helping an hour a day with the English classes at the library. It´s a lot of fun! Must run, but I promise that i am doing just dandy again :)
Alissa

Bear With Me

2005-10-04T22:17:00.000-04:00

So, today´s the first day I can remember in some time that I´ve let myself slide into a sort of funk, depressive state, if you will. While I had ever intention of writing about all the great people and things I encountered in Antigua (which I will later) I am doing what I feel is one of the most important things a person should do when they feel lonely and are starting to turn inward...I am going to the one´s that love me and asking for help. I need and want what all people need from time to time...a good ear and a trong shoulder. Of course, I know I should be happy. Things are goihg wonderfully and I am on a great adventure. Despite the ups I still ocassionly feel inadequate, confused and completely terrified. My head is spinning from all life´s possibilities and I have taken the day to contemplate, read and listen to music. While some of this was nothing more than a push closer to the darkness of depression, it has, ironically, helped me to feel a bit better in the end. It gave me the desire to reevaluate a few things and read a couple of books that have been sitting on my shelves collecting dust. One was, ¨A short guide to a happy life¨ by Anna Quindlen (Thanks Aunt Linda!!!) and the other was ¨10 things I wish I had known...¨By Maria Shriver (Thanks Mom!!!). I found some reminder of what is important, as well as inspiration and advice for the future. From here I moved on to my growing book of quotations, taken from various sources, that constitite nmany of the ideas that I find essential to life. They have, at times, been my light in the darkness, and are always an inspiration and reminder to DO something and BE something positive. Pair them with some good music, a slight attitude adjustment and the power of soul-baring writing, and you have the necessary instruction to being on the road to recovery. THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. I love you all.
Alissa
== A FEW QUOTES ==
1) In the silence of our hearts, we know that we are proving ourselves worthy of the miracle of life. When we realize each day, each hour, is part of the good fight We start to live with enthusiasm and pleasure. ¨The Alchemist...By Paulo Coelho¨
2) It´s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting. ¨The Alchemist¨
3)When you really want to do something, it´s because that desire originated in the sould of the universe. ¨The Alchemist¨
4) Life isn´t about HOW MANY breaths you take, it´s about the moments that TAKE your breath AWAY. ¨Hitch¨
5) It´s about finding one´s place in the World - one that´s worth fighting for. ¨Walter Salles¨
6) Courage is walking through your fear with faith. ¨Unknown¨

==

2005-10-02T15:39:00.000-04:00

Subtle longings for a life I once led,
fleeting moments of desire for what I can no longer possess;
What I once touched I can no longer feel...
just memories. nothing more. nothing less.
A life lived and not to be recreated...
Only reinvented.

Antigua

2005-10-01T20:00:00.000-04:00

I know I always say this, but I have fallen in love, again. I´m not sure I want to leave Antigua, this place is amazing. Although, honestly I am wavering or not I could stay here long term. However, i really do plan on coming back for at least a week or two. First off, the van ride here (alone) was about 5-6 hours and gorgeous scenery the entire way...so mountainous! Driving through guatemala city was exciting, its full of Fast Food joints and people. I was suprised to see a Little Ceasars. I saw one hotel called ¨AutoHotel KAMA SUTRA¨ i didn´t even stop to ask what kind of hotel that was...I was nervous about finding a hotel, but my van dropped me right of at a Posada, kind of like a hostal thats costing me 8 dollars a night. It´s clean, the woman is friendly, and the best part is that it comes equipped with 5 PERFECT CATS!!!!!! My room is clean, with a large bed, a private toilet (which i haven´t used) and two peices of furniture. The shower, with warm water, is shared, but VERY clean. I´ve killed a few cockroahes, but i´m getting used to it (i did sleep with the light on however, i was nervous for various reasons..mostly because it´s my first real time alone, ever) and one of the kittens came in this afternnon to eat one of the dead ones from the corner! Spent about 5 hours walking the city today, this place is great, a mix of ancient colonial buildings, ruins, churches, and great shopping and restaurants. Walked aimlessly through a cool market and a GROCERY STORE today as well. Met 2 guys from California and Wisconsin, respectively (and am VERY disappointed to hear that Michigan is LOSING HORRIBLY this season) and may run into them and their friends-girlfriends in Copan next week.....WELL so much to write but 1 minute left.

BYE

Just a Thought from my ride through Guatemala City

2005-10-01T19:41:00.000-04:00

== I´m sitting in traffic in Guatemala City, the place that i feared driving through, but i can´t stop thinking how great this is! It´s so full of energy, people, buildings, cars...life. A REAL CITY! Big cities always have this magnetic energy and they never really seem to vary from city to city or country to country...They´re big, busy, dirty, noisy, full of Fast food joints, car exhaust, more danger and most definately exciting. Within 15 miles I have seen 5 Mcdonalds (which deliver!), 3 Burger Kings, 2 fried chicken places, A pizza hut, a Domino´s and EVEN A LITTLE CEASER´s! Houses and hotels are piled right on top of each other... except here, they´re sitting on the top of a mountain (although you´d hardly know it when you´re in the city center). On the outskirts the housing is truly stacked, a shanty town, clinging to the edge of a steep and sharp mountain...these places are so densely packed and poor they looked like a greyish-brown wasteland spilling into and INSULTING the amazingly vibrant green that surrounds it. While i truly love my peaceful Copán, and other relaxed homey towns like it, I truly believe that part of my spirit, heart and soul will always long for and live in the City. ==

week 4...almost

2005-09-29T20:41:00.000-04:00

Well, it´s been awhile since I´ve been on here. Been a bit busy and tired. Yesterday, i layed down for a nap around 530,6pm and woke up around 9pm and read for an hour or so then went back to sleep til 530am. (Ignoring the fact that i had to meet someone at 730 pm!)...anyways, let´s start with SATURDAY...my wish was granted, i did not spend all night in the park. I WENT to the park a bit late and ran into one of the other teachers (Matt) and went with him and Logan for a drink at a bar, then we walked to VIA VIA for more people and more drinks (Rum and Cokes for me) and then i ended up with a large group of people at a dance-karaoke club til 230am. Let me tell you, after 3, 4 rum and cokes (heavy on the rum) my spanish is pretty darn good! ANyways, all went well and returned safely to my house. SUNDAY i met the latest and greatest LOVES OF MY LIFE...yes, ladies and gentlemen, i have been granted access to a private and VERY beautiful CRYSTAL CLEAR BLUE POOL!!!!! I was in heaven....a great book, good sun, and perfect water. Pretty much took the day to myself to relax and read. I was about to say i don´t remember MONDAY but of course it´s all coming back to me now....for those of you that are easily dissapointed in me, please ski`p below a few sentences....well, monday, there was NO power, and i had NOOOO water (did i mention i didn´t shower sunday?!?!) so i took my dirty self for a walk through the stores (it was SUPER SUPER HOT) and ended up in the pool again, after, while walking, i ran into a guy i met during karaoke (MY host moms nephew) who was in the ¨grocery store¨(i really REALLY use that loosely, its the size of someones living room with limited stuff) a few doors down from my house...WELL his brother owns the store and they were sitting in the front around the door drinking. Well had me sitting at the door talking when next thing i know, a girl from the restaurant two blocks away (their family owns that as well) showed up with an ice cold rum and coke for me (NO i did NOT ask for it!) well, i drank it (it was 1pm) and next thing i know i was drinking for the next 5 hours (with a short break for dinner). Appearantly this guy does NOT like to drink alone and he LOVES to spend money, soooo i ended up drunk as a skunk on a MONDAY afternoon....something completely new for me. I also ended up at some couples house next to the restaurant (more family) with the guys (the couple is in their 80´s) eating soup, normally i would have been to shy to go, but Hell, i was about 4 drinks in (as least)....ANYWAYS, you can resume reading, and NO yelling at me, it´s not a habit, just a one time deal i guess and i´m OK. As for tuesday thru today, same ól same ól, school. Good news is that a bus picks me up right iN FRONt of my door now so no more wandering through the streets at 615am! Also, i made my student cry today! BUT ONLY BECAUSE I´m frustrated, i KNOW he can write, albeit its at more of a first or second grade level, but he doesn´t want to do it so he shuts down and pouts. I can´t continue to let him draw all the time, so i talked with the director, and until the specialist gets here i´m going to start working on a discipline program....no work=NO drawing and a trip to the office OR no recess)....i´m hoping it works because this kid is so sweet and i hated having to be the bad guy this afternoon AT LEAST, this is really cute, when we got back to the classroom after doing his work in the office, he was still moping and i said ¨Jose, are you angry with me¨and he just sniffled and say ¨mmmhummmm (yes)¨ then i said ¨well, can i still have a hug?¨and he sniffles again and says ¨mmmmhuuummmm¨and gave me a long hug and an ï´m sorry miss¨! Ohhhhhh the little things . Well, i´ve only got a few minutes left on here and i need ot get ready to leave for guatemala. I´m leaving for Antigua at Noon tomorrow and returning monday afternoon. Wish me luck, i´m a little nervous. ALSO, next week i hope to help opeof the teachers a little in his english classes (he teaches TEFL classes from 5-6 pm each night and i need the experience!) OK WILL WRITE AGAIN SOON

Week 3

2005-09-24T15:02:00.000-04:00

Geez, it seems like it should be more than week 3! Well, not too much new, but will update and share some thoughts. Last night I went in a bus with the other teachers from Mayatan to a place called El Jaral (about 30 minutes from here) for dinner and games for Teachers Day. It was good, nothing really beats free food and drinks! Especially when you are on a budget¨. After that, just sat in-walked around the park until 12 or 1230 am practicing my spanish. Things went good my first week at the school. Part of my day is spent doing remedial work, such as laminating book covers and bagging new books, but it needs to get done and its easier for me to do it than the director. Not to mention, the other day i helped 3 local girls making packets, but for whatever reason (laziness or lack of a system) they only managed to complete one packet (between the 3 of them mind you) as I finished 8! Thus far, in the other times, i am working one on one with a 5th grader that has been diagnosed (and i use this loosely) with Asperger´s Syndrome, which from my research is a Pervasive Developmental Disorder that is cousing with Autism (his original ¨diagnosis¨). I would agree with much of the research and it is a bit sad that he has not had the help that he could have had. First things first, this boy is the son of one of the wealthiest couples in the area (maybe even the country...although a bit of an exageration). They own one of the LARGEST coffee plantations, the most expensive and largest hotel and cafe in the area, as well as some other things. There is money to help this boy, but the mother is rather stingy with her money. Soooo I do my best to help him with what I can, did some reasearch on Asperger´s (which was exciting to actually put my psych. degree to work) and am spending 3 class periods with his each day I am there. He´s a very loveable kid, and is rather interesting to work with. One of the perks however is the ¨THANK YOU MISS, THANKYOU FOR HELPING ME MISS; SEE YOU TOMORROW MISS¨ that i get each day before he showers me with kisses! (isn´t it funny how some small things can really make you´re entire day worth it!?)
==other than that things are routine. Which on a normal day is waking up between 8 and 9 to the sounds of music, animals (mostly roosters and geckos), kids, conversations and some cars. From here i mosey around the corner to my family´s restaurant for breakfast then am free to walk around and read after until lucnch between 12 and 1 back at the restaurant. Occassionaly i eat alone, watching telenovelas or with someone else. after that i´ll usually head home for an afternoon shower, which shall i tell you is not hot. I have not touched warm or hot water in 3 weeks now. Sometimes its a blessing, but more often than not its a rude jolt to my system (although great for water conservation) After this i can again wander, meet with people, read, walk, travel, watch TV...whatever strikes me. After here i return to the restaurnt for dinner around 6 pm and watch ¨Cuerpo del Deseo¨ a wonderful telenovela. Again, i wander, read, music, tv, whatever....until bed around 10 or 11pm. However, now on days that i´m at the school, i am up around 530 am and am at school until 230pm. All else pretty much returns to normal after.

== Well, not sure what else to say, down to about 10 mntues on the computer. I need to work on planning a trip to Guatemala next weekend. So wish me luck with that. I will more than likely end up in Antigua, although Lago Atitlan is also an option. Other than, i was enjoying a really relaxing a great moment in the Park earlier...SSun was shining, had good music going in my headphones, and was reading a funny book (¨Not so funny when it happened¨) then was rudely interrupted by men (who don´t quite have ALL of their marbles) that would not leave me alone. After some polite and innocent conversation, i left (as he asked me for money, as if charging me for the conversation that i did NOT want) and followed me out of the park. Thankfully two teachers walked by and took me with them to their apartment. When i reattempted the situation a bit later in a different spot (minus the sun DAMN HURRICANES!) 3 young girls sat with me to talk, and later another man. Sooooo NOW i´m here, writing you guys. BUT i´m off to lunch now, hopefully i´ll actually get to do something other than sit around the park tonight.

ALISSA

YAY!

2005-09-21T14:02:00.000-04:00

!halleluiah! HALLELUIAH! (Ok sure i'm sure i spelled it wrong, but you get the point!) I was working with the director earlier when i saw a pretty decent looking guy, so i wandered out (of course) only to hear relatively familiar gringo accents. WHAT DO YA KNOW three students from ROYAL OAK MICHIGAN! Fresh off the bus here. So i did what any lonely gringa would do and i snatched em up. (ok, i'm not lonely, but eventually i want to do some traveling, and here's my newest bestest bets! PLUS people do dance with!!! i hope) So, i'm picking them up at 7pm tonight in order to show them around town a bit, and in a few days they'll be helping out here at the school. So, yup, I'm a happy camper. Better believe it.

Well, i have more to write but I'll save it for another time since others need the computer.

~*~ me ~*~

VERY brief

2005-09-21T09:25:00.000-04:00

God. SOME MEN! I know i have to accept some things because I can't change them, which is why i was sitting on a small school bus ("VAN") this morning gritting my teeth as the driver (A MAN) drove a van full of 5-12 year old boys and girl and making cat calls at a few girls on the street at the same time. He was doing the kissing thing (MUAH) and honking the horn and staring. It happens to me quite a bit when i'm walking but i just keep looking forward and continue walking (all you can do) but this time the kids were there, so guess what the boys and girls learned at 630 this morning??!?!?!

anywyas, need to hunt down the director of the school so i can get to work

bye
(ugh - my tummys rumbling!)

Things are going good

2005-09-19T17:58:00.000-04:00

Hmmm, i knew i shoulda gone to the other computer place...it was a lot faster! Not that its a HUGE difference for most things, but AOL can be slower than a snail here sometimes! Well, went back to the river last night, stopping at some peoples houses to avoid the rain along the way. I LOVE listening to the river and watching the kids play. After returning I intended to dore more reading but right after crawling into bed a 6 year jumped in with me soon after! From there i ended up outside with her, her mom and grandmother and read her a story (La Bella Durmiente-Sleeping Beauty). When out for a little bit after and upon returning had to walk carefully around the old guy passed out infront of my door! So...i was thinking about it last night, and Ive gone 2 days without speaking any english, exciting right?! Well, i mean ive said a few words here and there, like when I get frustrated because I don{t know the word in spanish and hoping that the other person can help, and i did exchange greetings with Diego (half of the Belgiun couple that owns a real popular bar-restaruant here in town). But that's improvement right? Hmmmmm...gettin a bit pissed that I can{t read my AOL mail, especially since I{m paying (ok, granted, it{s roughly 1$ an hour BUT remember, i'm trying to make my money stretch REALLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY far!) Ugh. I REALLY need to take a shower, but when i woke up this morning, the city was without power again, and of course cuando no hay electricidad, no hay agua! (i' sure you got that, but if you didn{t it was if there' no electricity, there' no water!). Oh, in case anyone is interested in the weather....things are good here. A bit hot on some days, and it rains nearly every day (sometimes in afternoons, sometimes at night) but I really can't complain. Yesterday was super hot during the day so the one time i ventured out around noon i turned around and went back home, but it was much cooler a few hours later with some light sprinkling and a heavier rain in the evening, but by 930pm it was pure bliss! The sky was an amazing midnight blue and the moon was SOOOO bright, and the weather was crisp and a little cool, if i hadn't been so tired (no nap yesterday) I would have stayed out much later enjoying it.
Well, not sure what else to say right now, and I really REALLY apologize for being so scattered in these entries. But if you have any questions, post them here or email me!
ALISSA

Week TWO

2005-09-16T15:05:00.000-04:00

Well, things are going very well here. September is a good month to be in copan because there are many holidays, and yesterday was Independence day. Spent all morning wathcing bands and kids marching. After the mornings activites i met up with Saúl (José Saúl) for a walk in the mountains. Which wsa amazing. I asked him why the mountains and he said it was because i already knew the city, so i needed to do something different. It was fun. He´s been here all his life and is a member at a big close'knit church here so the whole way up he´s saying hi to people. Abput half way up we stopped at a small Tienda (store) to talk to the owners, pick up his sunglasses he lent their daughter while she marched and bougth me a drink then sat there for an hour and watched a movie then continued on our journey. We ended up at a river, thats full of GIGANTIC rocks which we climbed out to and layed on to listen to the river. Before some of you start to get weird on me, just know that my host mom and teachers approve of this young man, they say he is BUEN EDUCADO Y MUY INTELIGENTE (well mannered-well'raised-respectable and intelligent) Therefore a good friend to have.
Hmmm, other that that, watched President Bushs speech last night and some Jon Stewert. They get good TV down here! Been walking through town and reading and classes are going well. Have a dance class this afternoon and then probably not much else than hanging out with Saul. I wouldn´t mind going to a bar but this kid doesn´t drink, and some of the other people i know are sick but i might find some other people later. I need to start planning a trip though, because i have to renew my visa in 2 weeks and i´ll probably end up in Guatemala assuming i find people to go with because i really don´t want to go alone. Worse comes to worse i could just PAY to renew my visa, but a trip sounds SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much more exciting! RIght!? Well, not sure what else i should say. With so little time, my mind is just racing. Oh, i did buy shoes. Theyre cute. Were about 9-10 dollars, but at least i have more variety and less stink (i bleached the others! but with all the rain they won´t stay stink free for long) OHHHHHHHHH, i killed my first cockroach! Improvement right??? The one before that i screamed for Victor (my host sisters boyfriend) to kill it while i held my bedroom door shut. Also, the other day i was in the bathroom (again) when i looked over and saw something jump. Scared the sh!! outta me and realized it was a toad. HUGE one. well i tried to chase him outta my room because even though i´m not scared, i am NOT touching him! Well, he went under the bed and wouldn´t come out, so i told my mom and sister that i had a new pet. Well the dad came in and moved the bed and whddya know TWO frogs hiding out under there. I woulda left em since they eat my enemies, but i was afraid they might try to sleep in the bed with me!
Ok, i better get going.
With Love
ALISSA

Week 1

2005-09-13T19:46:00.000-04:00

Well, some of my most exciting news is that Sean *another student* has taught me how to make a question mark!! WHOO HOOO! ???????? :) Well, the kids event was great! They loved me and i loved them. Of course, they loved me EVEN MORE when i was passing out marshmellows and juice (you better believe that I was tapping into the marshmellow bowl...but i WARNED them that it was gonna happen! So i don't htink i'll go to marshmellow hell for taking candy from kids) Also ran into the director of the bilingual school and made plans to come work at the school, should start next tuesday...anyways, went dancing at the club with some friends that night and got some merengue in. and hopped into the pool to cool off. Sunday i read a book while sitting out in cenral park (an extremely beautiful and well kept place with gardens around it) after returning home my host sister Carmen took me for ice cream, then a walk around the hotel she works at, then to meet the peace corp girl that lives with her brother camillo, but she wasn't home, after i watched TV with her and her Boyfriend Victor. Moonday i started morning classes, and wasn't quite awake! Later in the park while reading again a handsome stranger asked me if i would like to ride some horses up to the mountain (quieres montar un caballo?) ummmm, no gracias! BUT we did end up talking for the next few hours, don't have enough time to cover it all but we went for along walk to the Ruins today (which is currently occupied by the indigenous people, protesting throughout the country, you could probably google it..._) and then to the river...his name is Saúl and my informal spanish teacher and conversation partner. I'm aboout to head off to wash up before dinner and then meeting saúl for more conversation in the park. For all of you that are now worrying, don't. I got your emails on ruphies and sterilization!
with love
me
* ps, i need to go shoe shopping soon for sandals, mine stink! and aren't very cute with my skirts! My host sister said we could go to San Pedro Sula in order to shop because its cheaper, but i', thinking the 20=40 dollars in busfare could buy a few pairs of shoes in itself! Not to mention the safety!

mass email UNO

2005-09-13T19:45:00.000-04:00

Well first and formost, let me get two things out of the way. 1* I have absolutely NO idea how to make a question mark on these computers soooooooooo please accept .... as a question mark! 2* some of you i told to switch to my Yahoo account, but i'm going to ask you to DISREGARD that statement until the next time i get pissed with the speed *or lack thereof* of AOL
* so, i'm finising up my first week here in copan and i really really love it here. its such a great little town. My first day however i had some doubts as my first real memory comes from sitting on the toilet screaming for my mom as a huge cockroach climbed down the shower curtain next to my face, however i am still alive and starting to loosen up, i even slept on the house sheets last night, and not my own. well, not completely by choice, but because mine disappeared after the room was cleaned BUT i survived so i should be ok! Went out with my girlfriend courtney last night and two guys from my school. we all walked down to the entertainment district *pool, pool table, bar, karaoke, danceclub, social hangout* and played some pool, watched some karaoke and yes, jumped in the pool at 11 o clock at night *of course, only because we had guys with us, if not it wouldnt have been an option for two lone gringas* I don't have too much time to write I will be volunteering all afternoon at a KIDS DAY EVENT, which should be interested because there's going to be over 100 non english speaking kids that are very adamant about playing games and gettin free candy and toys. If i can survive this, i'll be good to go for the rest of the trip! It's also a great opportunity because its run by a bunch of the europeans that have settled down here and run a few businesses and a wonderful way to meet them and make friends. I've also talked to the owner of the place www.casadetodo.com about helping with the HUGE conference that will be here in november which would be an amazing palce to network as it will be worldwide non-profit people, volunteers, doctors, anthropologists and the like.

i better get going, got lots to do
miss you all
alissa

I'm here

2005-09-10T13:52:00.000-04:00

Well, everyone, I am here! Just finished my first week in Copan, Honduras and i love it here! I am living with a wonderful family that really takes care of me and in a great location. My mom left safely yesterday and is hopefully on a plane back to germany. I only have about 10 minutes left on the computer so I cna't write too much, but hopeully most of you are getting my mass emails. I did good in my first week of classes, been having some very deep conversations about culture and people. I don't feel like my spanish is picking up, but i rarely do until one day i say something or understand something and am like *WOW, i've come so far!* People seem to understand me, and i am learning new words and practicing my grammar so thats good. I hope to make some trips soon, i want to get back to the community i was in in february and up to guatemala in about 2.5 weeks when its time to renew my visa. Well, i better get some other things done, i have to get to lunch and then down to Casa de todo (www.casadetodo.com( because i'm volunteering at their kids day event.
with love
alissa

oy! Take off

2005-09-02T23:26:00.000-04:00

Well, once again this shall be short. I am off to bed in 3 minutes! I believe that I am packed and ready to go. Only two things i KNOW i don't have and thats a small calculator and a water bottle. Both are things that can be bought later. Well, i'm not nervous yet or excited really, but that will start as I awake in a few hours. I will update here as soon as possible. My brain is mush right now which is why I'm not writing all the profound and personal insights that I had cooked up in my head earlier.

With love
alissa

Quote

2005-08-25T00:54:00.000-04:00

It is one thing to talk abstractly about human goodness and our
potential to be kind, but it's quite another to come into direct
contact with hundreds of real stories of real people exercising their
power to heal, to help each other, to make a difference."
--Caroline Myss

Well, I've got about 80% of my stuff out of the apartment thanks to my dad coming down with a truck today. Tomorrow I will weed through some paperwork, head to the doctors for the completion of my physical, and start cleaning. I want to have everything done by friday morning, so that I can get my landlord in there friday afternoon of sat. morning in order to cut me a check. On a good note, my spanish is picking up pretty well because I've been spending a lot of time hanging out with Kristen and some guys from the salsa club. I've learned that it's a lot easier (and MUCH more fun!) to learn new words and frases from real people and experience that it is from a book. Ok...i'm off to bed. Got a few long days ahead of me....heck, it might be a long 10 days!

Busy

2005-08-23T16:00:00.000-04:00

Hey all. Just running around like a chicken with it's head cut off these past two days. Trying to get packed and cleaned and all that other stuff before this weekend. Guess I'm starting to feel that pressure a little bit. Some good news: My professor wrote me and gave me the numbers and email addresses for his parents (doctors in San Pedro Sula) in case I would like to stay there for a day or two or get picked up from the airport or have emergencies......most of you know I'm pretty shy, but if I'm going to do this World Traveling thing I better start making connections and get over myself, right? I need to grab some food and get back to my place before my grandparents get there. I'm out of boxes and tape again!

ME

Very Brief

2005-08-19T10:15:00.000-04:00

I apologize for making this so short, but I have my FINAL final exam in about 10 minutes (i should be studying, but haven't had much luck with that!). Been having a hard time realizing that I'm leaving so haven't gotten as much done as I could...but for those that know me well, you know that I am a definate last minute person. I seem to work best under pressure, so no worries...all will be done. Well, better get upstairs and at least do a quick review of the main events in South American history so that I can write a decent essay.
~*~ me ~*~

Estoy un poquita enferma

2005-08-10T10:59:00.000-04:00

Well, not to much to update on right now. Except that this is my last week at work, and I am sick. I thought it was allergies, the doctor said a minor case of upper respiratory infection (yay) which I'm starting to agree with seeing as there is a constant pressure in the top part of my lungs. Don't worry. I've been resting and drinking and taking pills. Of course, it happens the week I was planning on a salsa dancing marathon with Kristen, but I don't think I'll be going out tonight OR tomorrow. I have to rest so I can at least be ready to go dancing friday and hopefully saturday as well. Oh well, there's always next week. I better get to class! CIAO

I agree

2005-08-05T13:12:00.000-04:00

"Every person has to seek in their own way to make their own self more noble and to realize their own true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. Even if it's a little thing, do something for those who have need of help, something for which you get no pay but the privilege of doing it. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers and sisters are here too." --Albert Schweitzer

Welcome to August

2005-08-02T17:04:00.000-04:00

August 2nd?! Where does time go... I sent in my acceptance packet and materials for the Costa Rican Work Visa Application today and put down a $1000.00 down payment on friday, which officially puts me a few steps closer to moving to Costa Rica. I spent a few hours talking to Kristen sunday night (she just returned from one month in Copán) and I'm fueled from hearing how great her month was; her and courtney are having/had SOOOO much fun that I can't wait to get there. I keep doing a little bit of packing here and there and have taken a few boxes to my dads...nothing much, but enough considering I'm pretty busy with a lot of different things right now (mainly school). It's just that I'm so antsy to go, if you've ever had that feeling around christmas/birthday time where you know someone bought you that present that you really REALLy want, but you CAN'T have it until that ONE day...it's like that, but much more intense. Of course I'm still nervous, this is a huge change for me and room for a lot of error/problems, but I'm ready. So ready.

I've been doing some thinking about what I want to do with my time while I'm down there, and aside from the obvious (studying spanish, meeting new people, learning new things, volunteering, etc) there's some things that I'm really looking forward to doing:

I want to reflect on Life. Yes, it sounds corny but I learned alot during my time in school and it's time to sit back and assess it all, come to some conclusions of my own. Start seeing what I feel is truly meaningful and important to me, find what it is I miss the most and what I am able to live without. Find out more about the World and its People. Figure out how people manage to get by without all/most of the things we're told we must live with and still manage to be happy...are they truly happy?! What do I really believe in? WHat are my strengths? Weaknesses?..........I could go on forever, but I feel that I'll be in a better position to think about these things down there, where there is often such a tranquil environment that has the awesome ability to instantly quiet your mind as it demands that you respect it peacefulness...not to mention all the free time I'll have.
I want to read! No more 100+ dollar text books that somebody else requires that I read. I want to read something that I find enjoyable. Take a mental break. And then, when I'm ready, I'll go back to the intellectual stuff!
Taking a break from US Politics and depressing over-hyped media coverage of all things negative. I've told some people this, but I've been without a TV in my home for about TWO years now, and I only occassionally watch TV with other people. But, without it, I have felt better than ever, less depression less despair about the World, and I've been able to get more done, I rarely miss it. All this is good of course, because I'm going to end up going another 15 months without it, so I won't be missing anything.

Ok, there's much more to this but I need to stop writing and get some other things done. I will check in again soon.

The Post-Grad Adventure

You would think....

Still here

Abortion...Let's PREVENT IT, not debate it!

Still Here!!!!!!!!!

60 and loving it!

The latest piece....

Not bad, huh?

My response to an online application question...

I'm on cloud 9.... I'm on cloud 9!

The wait is the hardest part...

Once again...

Eva meets her father

Found this in my wallet, wrote it in Antigua, Guatemala

Down too long...

The wait is the hardest part...

last days continued...

last days

The last days

manuel antonio...not what it used to be

Last full day in La Fortuna, Arenal

I´m back!

Day One complete

Part 1 of Day 1 in San Jose, Costa Rica

I am so bad at this!

3 weeks down and 9 to go!!!

Mi princessa

Something from Paulo Coelho's webpage that I liked...

The plan...

Why does it still seem so real....

EVA

wowwwwwwwww....

Happy Holidays

she's here!!!!!!!!!!!

5 days late

NickelBack, Good Song

More Ouch

la penguina

Is it everything?

Isabel Allende

....mambo!....

http://www.sacred-texts.com/bud/tib/tibet.htm

ouchhhhhhhhhhh!

To MY angel

I'm so bad

life

new discoveries

Pablo

Marbles

A long day

My life, my confession

** UPDATE **

preoccupaciones del futuro / worries of the future

Excitement

dead tired

Lazy Me

I Want....

A Leftist Female for President

I Agree

Quote

The Prophet

Daily Dose of Motivation

Update 2

Update

Photos

The Micah Project

Not sure

Una Noche en Los Tangos

Guatemalan Adventure - Part TWO

Guatemalan Adventure - Part ONE

Central America

RAIN

Hello

Bear With Me

==

Antigua

Just a Thought from my ride through Guatemala City

week 4...almost

Week 3

YAY!

UPDATE