My life, my confession

What events must take place in a person's life to change the desire, the uneding thirst for adventure, excitement and the occasional risk to shift a powerful need for family, security and stability? This is, without doubt, different for every individual. For me, the past two years of my life have been essential to my growth as, I Would like to think, a valuable meber of the World, of the Human Community; I moved out on my own, managed to work and mantain good grades, I traveled to Europe and Central America numerous times and South America once, I've explored the communities around as well as those far away, I've broken down at the sight of extrem poverty and literally walked on death in Lago de Atitlan after the mudslides...but, I have also been uplifted by the bottomless barrel of joy and positive spirit that some of the Worlds people have to offer. Personally, I graduated from the University with good grades and great memories, I have shown people the best and worst that I have to offer, I've pushed my own personal boundaries in public and in private, and have done the same in personal relationships. I have fallen for the worst of men and I have fallen in love with a man that still makes my heart race, mouth turn upwards and my stomach flip when he calls or enters a room...a man that is teaching me forgiveness, how to be a better person and how to be fragile once again.

Throughout my 23 years I have succeeded and I have failed, but I feel that I have come out on top because I can honestly say that I am happy and that I wouldn't change any of the past because every moment has worked to make me the person I am now, has created the life I currently have and is the backbone of my future. Of all the things I have learned, two stand out in my mind: ONE) I can never make every single person I encounter happy. Occasionally disappointing, hurting and/or pissing off others is inevitable. TWO) That all people are "inextricable intertwined" with no person or culture more important or deserving than another. ONE person really can make a difference and that compassion, patience and a desire to understand is key.

The lessons and experiences are uncountable, and with all that said, I would like to announce to officially announce to you all that I have embarked on a new journey. One that will be difficult but rewarding, drainging but full of excitement, heartbreaking but joyous... I have found my one event that has forever changed my focus... I am going to be a mother. I am due in October. I am overjoyed and I am terrified, however, every part of this feels right to me. I am not blind (ignorant???) to the many challenges that await us, but they are going to be the very things that will make my child, my family and I stronger and more efficient (dare I say "better") people. I have spent several months preparing for this child. I left for Chile as planned in order to see for myself what I would be leaving behind temporarily. No part of be is disappointed to be back in the United States. I am working full time at a job that I love, I have great medical care for my child (I will deliver at the University of Michigan Hospital through the Midwife Program), I have a new apartment that I love and a baby kitty to keep me entertained until my boyfriend returns from new orleans. Pablo, the very very happy father to be, calls every day to check on us and talk to my stomach.

I have kept this to myself for sometime because several people have reacted with less than enthusiasm. I can understand the disappointment because many were expecting me to do many different things right now. But my feelings are that since I am happy about this, that I have done everything in my power to quickly adjust in order to create a new life for my new family, that people should be happy for me. I have already done so many things with my life and I will keep doing them,...even though many must wait a little while. I am very driven to explore and make positive changes in this World, and with creativity and hard work I can still do this with my child.

Thank you for listening, and feel free to say congratulations and happy mother's day because I am going to be a mommy!!!!!!!!!

"Everything happens for a reason, and to accept this is to allow yourself happiness."