la penguina

OK, I would say I have officially (or very close to it!) started waddling when I walk... I swear that every single morning I wake up I am bigger than when I laid down. I am positive that all of this is normal, but it's really starting to take a toll on me! My feet, legs, hips, butt and back are starting to hurt more and more and I've got these disgusting stretch marks on the middle of my tummy!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I've got what....approximately 6 weeks to go.....i think i might be shamu by then :( All I know, is that I really really hope that my boss sends someone over to be in the office with me in the next few weeks because I don't know how enticing it will be for prospective residents to watch me huff and puff as i drag myself and my belly up the stairwells to show apartments! Especially if I have to stop half way up to take a break!!!! :) Ok, let me stop being so dramatic. This is getting harder and harder but I'm not a beached whale YET.

Is it everything?

I'm not really sure why I am sitting here thinking about this, but it certainly isn't the first time I have really given this topic some thought....the "american dream" as far as it relates to immigrants, legal or illegal. The first time I was really put in a situation where I HAD to think about it was when I was taking my "CUBA AND ITS DIASPORA" class at U of M. We were watching a documentary of different people, each with their own story and dreams and ideas about life in the United States and the documentary followed these people from their escape from Cuba to several years into their life in the USA. Everybody left the island with these ideas of a perfect life, filled with big houses, fancy cars, tons of money (from little work) and complete freedom. Every single person said they were leaving in order to better support their family. Well, years later, the majority of the people were struggling financially and were often disappointed by the dream they didn't acheive. They found that even after working two or three jobs, they could still barely afford the things that they needed let alone have much left over to send to their families back home....some had completely abandoned their families (wives and children) and began new ones. Of course, there's much more to say about the video, but today I find myself thinking about the community around me, which is so saturated with immigrants that sometimes I close my eyes and I can feel like I still am living abroad! Where I work and live especially, I hear more spanish than I do english and part of me just wants to sit down with some of these people and get there stories....hopes and dreams before they left their country, their journeys here and details of their lives now. HOW IS THEIR "AMERICAN DREAM" MEASURING UP????? Sometimes I do get bits and pieces of these stories, and they are always fascinating...you can see the pain when they talk about the struggles and bad times as they fight back tears from memories that are still all to real to ignore, but, you can also watch their face light up as they talk about childhood memories, the taste of fruits and vegetables you cannot find here, the sounds they miss...like heavy rain on a metal roof. At times I think, wow, I should write a book...but then i wonder, who would read it? Ok, I'm sure there's much more to write about but I am still at work and need to focus on tasks here.
With love, alissa

Isabel Allende

"When I was younger I was always trying to stop the bad times from coming. I resisted the bad times. Now I'm totally relaxed, totally open to whatever comes, the bad or the good, because what I have discovered is that I'm perfectly able to take it. Whatever happens, I can take it."

"So it has been my karma, to lose everything and instead obtain things that I never aimed for."

....mambo!....

....I can see and feel me dancing....in a studio with light wooden floors....dancing....the mambo in front of the spotless mirrors....i look good...i feel great...sweat dripping, heart racing.....my daughter hanging on to the edge of her playpen watching her mommy move to the heart racing rythym.........

Will it happen? I don't know....but the vision alone sure as hell feels good :)

http://www.sacred-texts.com/bud/tib/tibet.htm

Excerpts from> Book: TIBETAN YOGA AND SECRET DOCTRINES Editor: W. Y. EVANS-WENTZ
http://www.sacred-texts.com/bud/tib/tibet.htm

'Not to be cheered by praise, Not to be grieved by blame, But to know thoroughly one's own virtues or powers Are the characteristics of an excellent man.'

Stanza 58 'A foolish man proclaimeth his qualifications; A wise man keepeth them secret within himself; A straw floateth on the surface of the water, But a precious gem placed upon it sinketh.'

Stanza 59 'It is only narrow-minded men that make such distinctions As "This is our friend, this our enemy"; A liberal-minded man showeth affection for all. For it is uncertain who may yet be of aid to one.'

Stanza 118 'Much talking is a source of danger; Silence is the means of avoiding misfortune: The talkative parrot is shut up in a cage; Other birds, which cannot talk, fly about freely.'

Stanza 134 'The greatest wealth consisteth in being charitable, And the greatest happiness in having tranquility of mind. Experience is the most beautiful adornment; And the best comrade is one that hath no desires.'

Stanza 173 'Men of little ability, too, By depending upon the great, may prosper; A drop of water is a little thing, But when will it dry away if united to a lake?'

(1) Weakness of faith combined with strength of intellectare apt to lead to the error of talkativeness.
(2) Strength of faith combined with weakness of intellectare apt to lead to the error of narrow-minded dogmatism.