I will admit up front that I am not a huge fan of this book as quantum physics is, at this moment in my life, beyond my realm of comprehension. Chapter 11 however, really hit on some things within me. While preparing to leave Honduras last week I was asked to give some thought to two “simple” words: inextricably intertwined. To me, that seemed to be the underlying theme of Zohar’s chapter on “Getting beyond Narcissism”, that all people and all things are inextricably intertwined, and I could never, not even on my worst day disagree with that statement.
As you may know, I recently returned from my second trip to Honduras, trips with a focus on working side by side with the local community on a construction project; trips entitled “The Solidarity Project”. Both of these experiences have been the most meaningful ones of my entire life, they are and always will be the main components of my Treasure Box Moments.
When I returned from my first trip last year, I was emotionally distraught for two days, crying nonstop and vowing to all that would listen that I would never forget and that I would return one day. Although I have now fulfilled both of those vows I am always left wondering why was it so hard for me to leave a one-week experience? Why for one year did I always have pictures of the trip on my binder and on my computer? Why for one year have I rambled on about my experience to anyone that would listen?
Zohar states that our “selves” are constantly evolving, that we make ourselves as we go along, that each new relationship, no matter how brief, alters and partially redefines the selves that we are; mostly by getting “inside” of us and adding at least some small thread to the tapestry of our beings. This lends some answers to why it can be so hard to leave a group of people that you have just spent nine days living with, eating with, working with, dancing with, playing with, laughing with and yes, crying with. Those aren’t just nine days of coexistence, that’s nine days of deep commitment, and in leaving that you are leaving a part of your self that you just discovered and fell madly in love with. The question of why is it so hard to leave and to forget gets a bit more complicated when you consider the fact that, for me at least, you have just spent nine days of barely talking with one another. Why? Simple, language barriers. The people of the community speak absolutely no English and my Spanish is limited. But, just to prove my Cognitive Psychology textbook right, Language and Communication are two distinctly different things, people can have a massive amount of communication without ever having language. Zohar might go on to relate this to the fact that we are all creatures of basically the same substance, that truth, love, beauty and inquiry need not language.
My best example of this is my dearest, most beautiful Maricella. For nine days, we only spent limited time together, a few general broken “conversations” that would never be considered intellectual or deep, they were more along the lines of “what a beautiful picture, I like it very much!” and “What do you want to be in the future?” Our time was never extensive, often we would simply sit near each other while coloring with the children, or sit together for a few moments here and there with a group of other girls. Yet, when she came to say goodbye to me tears quickly filled my eyes and I found it difficult to unwrap my arms from hers. I didn’t have the appropriate words to say how much I would miss her but I know the feeling was mutual and communicated thoroughly with our eyes and long embrace.
So what was it? Why was it so hard for me to leave Maricella? To leave my experiences? Zohar says that these brief relationships count as commitments, and that in withdrawal from such defining relationships and situations I am losing a part of myself, a part of my being that I had grown to love; and what is left is partial emptiness, a fragmented self. I know that the fragmentation is not necessarily a bad thing, for it should be a driving force in redefining myself and my world view for I as a person am never set in stone. From here I must, as Gandhi says, be the change that I wish to see in the world. And, while I cannot claim to hold all the answers to the questions I have raised, I can at least say that I understand a little better than before, and know why it is that this most recent trip will remain with me, like the last, every day until I return again.
